This year hasn’t gone the way we planned and I’ve been spending quite a bit of it wishing time away. I want to hurry up and get through all this so we can get to the good bits, where he can drive again, the medication is safe and manageable, he’s changed jobs and re-enrolled in his maths degree, we’re saving money again, our daughter isn’t getting anxious, and I’m feeling optimistic and back on track.
But. We need to live more in the moment. Our daughter will only be this age once and it’s precious. Actually, we’ll never be this young again either and we need to enjoy it. So we’ve been making a bit more effort with our evenings together. Now that we have a child who sleeps well the night is full of possibilities.
We watched this DVD together. (And it was such a beautifully delicate film about friends growing apart, plus for Bonnie Prince Billy fans a chance to see Will Oldham).
We’ve got free tickets to the preview of this film. (Which looks fantastic and hopefully isn’t too depressing about epilepsy).
We’re seeing this play. (Seeing theatre, that so isn’t us, and gosh I’m seeing two plays in one year).
And we’re going camping here again with Lauca.
(Image credit: Breakaway Charters.)
Date night; so good in theory, so tantalisingly unattainable in practice for us. I’m very admiring of couples who set up date nights togther as a regular thing but our daughter has been too spirited for random baby-sitters or well-meaning friends and we’ve burnt out the grandparents by using them as regular care solutions for work. For the past two years he and I have primarily been parents in front of one another and that’s been lovely. But for most of that, time away from parenting had to be taken in turns. It meant that we didn’t spend a whole lot of time together, we snatched time away for ourselves or for seeing friends individually. I’m looking forward to being somebody other than his daughter’s mother to him, and we’re both trying to enjoy what this year offers us instead of mourning what it hasn’t been.
I’ve been making a similar effort here. It’s crazy how much we can lose in the shuffle of daily life! Enjoy your time together.
Once again, I applaud your honesty in sharing your parenting experience. I cannot tell you how helpful your forthright blogging has been to me at times when I’ve needed it. Who knew such help would come from 10,000 miles away?
This year has been tough for you but your personhood has shone through brightly and your humor has been a virual lifesaver for more people than me. Best to you, your fella and Lauca, and yay! for happy plans big and small.
i empathize the spirited daughter issue. however much i love her personality, sense of humour and what-not, it is the rare sitter who can get her to enjoy her time away from a parent or grandparent. it makes getting away that much more difficult.
This really echoes my thoughts at the moment. Top of my To Do list is ‘make it through 2007′ but I’m increasingly aware that however difficult some things are, there’s lots of nice stuff and I’m not going to get a do-over. And yes, my partner: I love him as a dad but I miss him as a man. No date nights for us, either, and special time consists of me sitting at the table working while he does the washin up with head phones on.
Hey you, good for you. I think there is such an awareness that comes with first-time parenting a two-year-old. You’ve made it through that transition to mother. Now you get to figure out all your other relationships from this new perspective. I appreciate how beautifully you put all of this into words. I hope your weekend away – and all your date nights – are growing and centering opportunities. And darn fun, too.
Thank you for the lovvvvvvvvvvvvvely comments everyone.
[...] of other drugs. Drugs we’re getting a little familiar with in this house. In answer to my previous question; yes it is a depressing film about epilepsy. But impressive, and it was almost confirming to [...]
Oh Blue, hang in there! Touching post, and I wish you the best with cementing the relationship- it’s difficult when you have a growing family, work, etc-etc. Remember to take time for yourself too!
*T
“No matter how many communes and communities they make,
the family will always come back.”
-Margaret Mead-