Comments on: What does a feminist mother look like? http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/ thinking + motherhood = feminist Thu, 31 Dec 2009 09:36:56 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Hilary http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-18491 Hilary Mon, 26 Oct 2009 01:39:59 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-18491 If feminism is concerned with women's freedom, then feminism is aligned with motherhood, even if only because motherhood represents one of a range of choices to which any free woman should be entitled. The feminist manifestation of this aliance is political support for policies that give women the economic freedom to choose education and/or motherhood, wage labor or entrepreneurship. If feminism is concerned with women’s freedom, then feminism is aligned with motherhood, even if only because motherhood represents one of a range of choices to which any free woman should be entitled. The feminist manifestation of this aliance is political support for policies that give women the economic freedom to choose education
and/or motherhood, wage labor or entrepreneurship.

]]> By: Lou http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-18445 Lou Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:02:44 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-18445 1.: I don't Know, what kind of feminist i think i am. moderatly, i guess. not sure, if there aren't better words for it, like -for example and oh so surprising:- "equality (-ist)". I'm being it since i became a mother, because its such a strong, feminine thing to do/ way to go i guess. for the first time, i felt a huge solidarity to every woman out there. to those who have children, those who don't, those who could have had and had abortions, those who fear about their career, those who struggle with all the many many people's opinions about them and their body and chosen way to live. 2.: surprised i was about how f*cking difficult it can be sometimes, how heartwrenching and exhausting. how crazy i am able to love and care. and fear. and, last but not least: about my son, how he was himself from the first moment we met. 4.: i don't know about the difference between mine and other people's parenting, but what makes my mothering feminist in my opinion, is that i try to let my son be whatever he wants to. to accept him as his own kind of being. to teach him this kind of acceptance and respect against other beings. relating to that, i'm eager to live my own life at the same time. to get my studies done, to spend time with my friends and myself, to be someone apart of being a mother. i want to live with, not for him. in my thinking, thats all feminist- letting people be. accepting them as being all different but equal. 5.: i had some struggles with all this "how to be a good mother"-rot you have to hear, read and see all the time from anyone you didn't ask. but as for that, its not important if you try a feminist or a less feminist way to mother. someone has something negative to say about your choices anyway, for sure. i failed maybe, when i tricked my son into not buying the all pink and glittery and furry shoes he once wanted so badly. they were pretty much unbearable, to my defence- 6.: not at all. its more like a state of being, not a state of mind. (i'm not a native speaker, so i can only hope that one can understand that...) 7.: i don't see, why they shouldn't go together. does it make me less feminist, if i care about other people and concede for that? 8.: we aren't a couple anymore, but for me, the most difficult it was to fight for my rights in this parenthood. to let him understand, that he is into that all the same as i am. so now, finally, we share parenthood, half the time our son is with his dad, the other half, he is with me. it was hard to fight out, and after gaining this goal, it was kind of hard to bear. but in the end, i think it is what's best for all of us. as for all the other decisions about education and stuff, we pretty much match. 10.: in some ways, every "ism" is in danger to fail someone or something, because its all about very -and sometimes too- strong opinions. i understand, that it was necessary in the beginning to make ourselves heard and taken serious. but i think, the discussion could use a little less sharpness and a little more understanding on every side, now that the major subjects are MADE heard. as feminism is all about solidarity (how i would point it), i wished there was some more "togetherness" in spite of "againstness" between every kind of women (-people). that i can do everything i want and also be a mother i owe to the feminist movement and for that i'm graceful. but "doing everything you want" includes also the choice to be a stay-at-home-mom for example. time has come for less public and more personal choices (again, if anyone can imagine what i try to point out...) 1.: I don’t Know, what kind of feminist i think i am. moderatly, i guess. not sure, if there aren’t better words for it, like -for example and oh so surprising:- “equality (-ist)”.
I’m being it since i became a mother, because its such a strong, feminine thing to do/ way to go i guess. for the first time, i felt a huge solidarity to every woman out there. to those who have children, those who don’t, those who could have had and had abortions, those who fear about their career, those who struggle with all the many many people’s opinions about them and their body and chosen way to live.
2.: surprised i was about how f*cking difficult it can be sometimes, how heartwrenching and exhausting. how crazy i am able to love and care. and fear. and, last but not least: about my son, how he was himself from the first moment we met.
4.: i don’t know about the difference between mine and other people’s parenting, but what makes my mothering feminist in my opinion, is that i try to let my son be whatever he wants to. to accept him as his own kind of being. to teach him this kind of acceptance and respect against other beings. relating to that, i’m eager to live my own life at the same time. to get my studies done, to spend time with my friends and myself, to be someone apart of being a mother. i want to live with, not for him. in my thinking, thats all feminist- letting people be. accepting them as being all different but equal.
5.: i had some struggles with all this “how to be a good mother”-rot you have to hear, read and see all the time from anyone you didn’t ask. but as for that, its not important if you try a feminist or a less feminist way to mother. someone has something negative to say about your choices anyway, for sure.
i failed maybe, when i tricked my son into not buying the all pink and glittery and furry shoes he once wanted so badly. they were pretty much unbearable, to my defence-
6.: not at all. its more like a state of being, not a state of mind. (i’m not a native speaker, so i can only hope that one can understand that…)
7.: i don’t see, why they shouldn’t go together. does it make me less feminist, if i care about other people and concede for that?
8.: we aren’t a couple anymore, but for me, the most difficult it was to fight for my rights in this parenthood. to let him understand, that he is into that all the same as i am. so now, finally, we share parenthood, half the time our son is with his dad, the other half, he is with me. it was hard to fight out, and after gaining this goal, it was kind of hard to bear. but in the end, i think it is what’s best for all of us.
as for all the other decisions about education and stuff, we pretty much match.
10.: in some ways, every “ism” is in danger to fail someone or something, because its all about very -and sometimes too- strong opinions. i understand, that it was necessary in the beginning to make ourselves heard and taken serious. but i think, the discussion could use a little less sharpness and a little more understanding on every side, now that the major subjects are MADE heard. as feminism is all about solidarity (how i would point it), i wished there was some more “togetherness” in spite of “againstness” between every kind of women (-people). that i can do everything i want and also be a mother i owe to the feminist movement and for that i’m graceful. but “doing everything you want” includes also the choice to be a stay-at-home-mom for example. time has come for less public and more personal choices (again, if anyone can imagine what i try to point out…)

]]> By: Feministische Theorie im Alltag « Maedchenmannschaft http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-18392 Feministische Theorie im Alltag « Maedchenmannschaft Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:56:06 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-18392 [...] hat die Autorin des US-amerikanischen feministischen Mütterblogs blue milk unter der Leitfrage What does a feminist mother look like? Fragen für feministische Mütter entworfen. Unter anderem fragte die Autorin nach den [...] [...] hat die Autorin des US-amerikanischen feministischen Mütterblogs blue milk unter der Leitfrage What does a feminist mother look like? Fragen für feministische Mütter entworfen. Unter anderem fragte die Autorin nach den [...]

]]> By: Ignore the woman behind the curtain! « Raising My Boychick http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17796 Ignore the woman behind the curtain! « Raising My Boychick Mon, 03 Aug 2009 06:49:07 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17796 [...] Reader Turtle has started her own blog, at The Turtle and the Wren, and it is definitely worth a visit. Be sure to check out her responses to blue milk’s 10 Feminist Mother Questions. [...] [...] Reader Turtle has started her own blog, at The Turtle and the Wren, and it is definitely worth a visit. Be sure to check out her responses to blue milk’s 10 Feminist Mother Questions. [...]

]]> By: Mothers Unite! | Femagination http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17605 Mothers Unite! | Femagination Wed, 15 Jul 2009 12:25:30 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17605 [...] food for thought: Blue Milk’s 10 Feminist Motherhood Questions. [...] [...] food for thought: Blue Milk’s 10 Feminist Motherhood Questions. [...]

]]> By: What does a feminist mother look like? « The Turtle and the Wren http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17595 What does a feminist mother look like? « The Turtle and the Wren Mon, 13 Jul 2009 02:30:04 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17595 [...] Posted by turtleandthewren under Uncategorized Leave a Comment  Here are my answers to bluemilk’s 10 questions on feminist motherhood. This is what inspired me to start this blog, as I started writing and realised there was a lot more [...] [...] Posted by turtleandthewren under Uncategorized Leave a Comment  Here are my answers to bluemilk’s 10 questions on feminist motherhood. This is what inspired me to start this blog, as I started writing and realised there was a lot more [...]

]]> By: Second Carnival of Feminist Parenting « Mothers For Women’s Lib http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17594 Second Carnival of Feminist Parenting « Mothers For Women’s Lib Sun, 12 Jul 2009 22:10:35 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17594 [...] Jeremy at Daddy Dialectic writes his answers to Blue Milk’s 10 questions on feminist motherhood. [...] [...] Jeremy at Daddy Dialectic writes his answers to Blue Milk’s 10 questions on feminist motherhood. [...]

]]> By: TheFeministBreeder http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17143 TheFeministBreeder Mon, 18 May 2009 02:34:04 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-17143 I hope it's not to late to answer this. I want to sit with the questions for a few days, but when I've come up with my answers I'll post them on TheFeministBreeder blog and send you a link. I hope it’s not to late to answer this. I want to sit with the questions for a few days, but when I’ve come up with my answers I’ll post them on TheFeministBreeder blog and send you a link.

]]> By: KiAirah http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-16892 KiAirah Tue, 28 Apr 2009 09:29:02 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-16892 How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? The strength to face the storm, the will to rally the masses, the breadth to carry the burden, and passion to pursue to the future; bigger, better, brighter, stronger than any one dares to imagine. When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother? I was born a feminist. I never knew a woman could be thought of differently until the outside world told me so. I always knew I was just as good, if not better; I never thought of myself as a woman but a person. Motherhood only made my passion to share my truth with others stronger. What has surprised you most about motherhood? How beautiful it is and how much it has given me; I always thought it would be a burden and a handicap; it has set me free. How has your feminism changed over time? I learned to respect men as equals, and try not to talk about them like they are below me. I have learned that men can be sensitive and intellectual, and they can be different, and they can change. What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism? It has strengthened my feeling that women are powerful beings and that we are deeply underappreciated for the things we do, when we do the right thing. A feminist might know that equally shared parenting is right, but a woman knows a child needs cared for either way. What makes your mothering feminist? My daughter sees me driving the car and being in charge of everything; she plays with match box cars, toy guns and swords just as much as she plays with baby dolls. I let her make decisions and I don't let her wear miniature sex-objectifying clothing. (just no booty shorts, please) I don't teach her to be afraid of taking risks or trying new things, I let her do things for herself and tell her to speak up and use her words. How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s? I don't think it's a goal to put her in dresses and keep her out of the dirt. I think she should learn to be brave and independent, and I let her play with boys. How does feminism impact upon your parenting? I demand participation from my husband; I will not allow him to sit back and watch me do all the work. Fathers have the ability to nurture, and I believe in equally-shared parenting. Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother? Sometimes I feel like I have to bring a lot of conflict into my relationship with my spouse in order to stand up for what I believe in. Sometimes for the sake of peace I have to let it go, and also she just doesn't respond to him like she does to me. Not because I'm her mother, but because he's never been as active with her as I am. Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother? No. I have always stood up for myself and I have always shown her the example of how strong and caipable a woman can be. Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why? It was hard when I had to stay at home, because to me being a feminist meant I should be at work, and moving forward, and achieving goals. But we needed to be together. Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist? The moment I felt my daughter's life inside me, a dark cloud cleared from my life. I could for the first time see clearly and realize my worth. Before that as a person I was stagnant and depressed. When I knew she was with me I knew I had to show her what a woman can be. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner? My husband goes back and forth between being supportive and being uncomfortable. He was raised much more traditionally and it is difficult to break him away from that. He sometimes feels demasculated and intimidatd by my independence and ambition. If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them? It is not very challenging to me because I was raised by a feminist father who practiced attachment parenting; it is the only kind of parenting I know. My father, grandparents, husband, mother-in-law, and best friend are the only people who are allowed to watch my daughter and she has strong relationships with all of them. This allows me to work, go to school, and have a little time to myself maintaining an independent feminist lifestyle. Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how? I think modern feminist sells us short and treats married mothers in feminism like traitors. Feminism is more integral to my identity than some of these people understand, and my circumstance in life will never change who I am. I am a feminist and I will make my own choices and do what I believe is right regardless of my marital status or status as a parent. That is a feminist. Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers? Feminism has awarded us with credit and respect; and given us to right to share the burden of nurturing with our co-parents, family members, and community so that we have the right to pursue our dreams and maintain a dignified lifestyle. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence?
The strength to face the storm, the will to rally the masses, the breadth to carry the burden, and passion to pursue to the future; bigger, better, brighter, stronger than any one dares to imagine.

When did you become a feminist? Was it before or after you became a mother?
I was born a feminist. I never knew a woman could be thought of differently until the outside world told me so. I always knew I was just as good, if not better; I never thought of myself as a woman but a person. Motherhood only made my passion to share my truth with others stronger.

What has surprised you most about motherhood?
How beautiful it is and how much it has given me; I always thought it would be a burden and a handicap; it has set me free.

How has your feminism changed over time?
I learned to respect men as equals, and try not to talk about them like they are below me. I have learned that men can be sensitive and intellectual, and they can be different, and they can change.

What is the impact of motherhood on your feminism?
It has strengthened my feeling that women are powerful beings and that we are deeply underappreciated for the things we do, when we do the right thing. A feminist might know that equally shared parenting is right, but a woman knows a child needs cared for either way.

What makes your mothering feminist?
My daughter sees me driving the car and being in charge of everything; she plays with match box cars, toy guns and swords just as much as she plays with baby dolls. I let her make decisions and I don’t let her wear miniature sex-objectifying clothing. (just no booty shorts, please) I don’t teach her to be afraid of taking risks or trying new things, I let her do things for herself and tell her to speak up and use her words.

How does your approach differ from a non-feminist mother’s?
I don’t think it’s a goal to put her in dresses and keep her out of the dirt. I think she should learn to be brave and independent, and I let her play with boys.

How does feminism impact upon your parenting?
I demand participation from my husband; I will not allow him to sit back and watch me do all the work. Fathers have the ability to nurture, and I believe in equally-shared parenting.
Do you ever feel compromised as a feminist mother?
Sometimes I feel like I have to bring a lot of conflict into my relationship with my spouse in order to stand up for what I believe in. Sometimes for the sake of peace I have to let it go, and also she just doesn’t respond to him like she does to me. Not because I’m her mother, but because he’s never been as active with her as I am.
Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a feminist mother?
No. I have always stood up for myself and I have always shown her the example of how strong and caipable a woman can be.
Has identifying as a feminist mother ever been difficult? Why?
It was hard when I had to stay at home, because to me being a feminist meant I should be at work, and moving forward, and achieving goals. But we needed to be together.

Motherhood involves sacrifice, how do you reconcile that with being a feminist?
The moment I felt my daughter’s life inside me, a dark cloud cleared from my life. I could for the first time see clearly and realize my worth. Before that as a person I was stagnant and depressed. When I knew she was with me I knew I had to show her what a woman can be.

If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your feminist motherhood? What is the impact of your feminism on your partner?
My husband goes back and forth between being supportive and being uncomfortable. He was raised much more traditionally and it is difficult to break him away from that. He sometimes feels demasculated and intimidatd by my independence and ambition.

If you’re an attachment parenting mother, what challenges if any does this pose for your feminism and how have you resolved them?
It is not very challenging to me because I was raised by a feminist father who practiced attachment parenting; it is the only kind of parenting I know. My father, grandparents, husband, mother-in-law, and best friend are the only people who are allowed to watch my daughter and she has strong relationships with all of them. This allows me to work, go to school, and have a little time to myself maintaining an independent feminist lifestyle.

Do you feel feminism has failed mothers and if so how?
I think modern feminist sells us short and treats married mothers in feminism like traitors. Feminism is more integral to my identity than some of these people understand, and my circumstance in life will never change who I am. I am a feminist and I will make my own choices and do what I believe is right regardless of my marital status or status as a parent. That is a feminist.

Personally, what do you think feminism has given mothers?
Feminism has awarded us with credit and respect; and given us to right to share the burden of nurturing with our co-parents, family members, and community so that we have the right to pursue our dreams and maintain a dignified lifestyle.

]]> By: What Does a Feminist Mother Look Like? Part 1 | Sustainable Mothering http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-15973 What Does a Feminist Mother Look Like? Part 1 | Sustainable Mothering Thu, 22 Jan 2009 23:40:19 +0000 http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2007/10/29/what-does-a-feminist-mother-look-like/#comment-15973 [...] around the world of feminist mother blogs, I came upon this post at Blue Milk asking feminist mothers to answer ten questions.  I hope she will forgive my coming late to the [...] [...] around the world of feminist mother blogs, I came upon this post at Blue Milk asking feminist mothers to answer ten questions.  I hope she will forgive my coming late to the [...]

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