i have a 15 month old who still nurses several times a night and co-sleeps as well. i’m actually “day-weening” first since i can’t stand the thought of having to be awake with her while she screams at me and writhes around in my bed searching for a boob i refuse to give.

she’s also started throwing fits when i won’t nurse during the day. she runs away, finds an object to throw or hit and then waits to see what i’ll do. i go find her, get eye to eye and say clearly something like “you don’t need to nurse. you need to eat a snack. come eat some cheerios.” or “you don’t need to nurse. you need some snuggles. how about a hug?” and, oddly enough, it works. i just have to identify what it is she’s searching for from nursing in that moment. of course, it doesn’t ALWAYS work, but i like to think it does!

for going to sleep, since she has a hard time falling to sleep, i switched her over from walking to rocking. i invested in a very nice rocker. i stick to only rocking. and, if she decides she wants to her bedtime nurse while we’re still reading books, the light goes out first. nursing can only happen with the lights out and the bedtime music on. no nursing while reading books or anything. it seems to help her associate the final nurse with a heading off to sleep.

i don’t know if any of this helps, but i feel for you. i hope you figure it all out.

the daughter she describes sounds indentical to my own daughter, now
almost 5 yrs.

we are commencing the failsafe diet in conjunction with a dietician and it seems to be working. she is sleeping better, more confident and more calm. less tanties.

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH DISCIPLINE, CONTROL, CO-SLEEPING OR EXTENDED BREASTFEEDING.

Not having proper sleep was getting to me, but what truly caused me to despair was my lack of new ideas. I’m always eager to work on a challenge, but when I found myself completely dry of new ways to deal with our situation I felt desperately exhausted.

I also appreciate your concern for my request for advice. It can be a dangerous thing. But I see it more as an opportunity to collect ideas, hoping one strikes me as compatible with my thinking and our lifestyle.

I’m honestly going to give this a great think and discuss with my husband which we’d like to try first.

Thank you Blue Milk and responsive Mommies for giving me an awful lot of hope, encouragement and your wonderful ideas.

Anyway, you have my sympathies. Best of luck.

We co-slept and bfed until 18 months. The nightfeedings, as Jasi described, left me completely unravelled… but a mandatory work trip to Europe – the first time I was ever more than 10 minutes away from the little guy – started the process of reweaving. I came back from 5 days in Amsterdam with rocks in my shirt, and when little guy started rooting, I told him that numnums were all gone, but cuddles would always be there. As long as I held him close, cuddling, with soft words, he was fine.

The sleep transition took a little longer – about another 9 months – but it was helped by mama continuing to be the “on the way to sleep” companion. We started with going to sleep in mama’s arms, then being laid in a little cozy sleep nook. At the end of summer, we took B to Ikea, hoping he’d be interested in a toddler bed. And wouldn’t you know it, the cat and dog headboard, and the sheets with mountains, wild wolves, stars and trees won him over. He took his first at-home nap EVER at 21 months, the weekend after I set up the little bed at home.

As for tantrums – there is a technique that can work. It’s especially useful for physical children. Holding the child firmly on your lap, with her back to your chest, gives them the chance to work out the tantrum. Keeping your voice calm while not letting go helps the struggle end sooner rather than later, and lets your child know you’re there for them, even when they are beyond frustration and anger.