I’ve been approached to do a PhD. It is not a done deal because this is not the first time and I declined the previous two invitations. The first invitation came just after I’d finished a Masters. At the time I wanted to leave university and get some industry experience, plus I was tired of study after completing two theses back to back. The second invitation came in the middle of our year from hell, and I couldn’t handle one more uncertainty. Now here comes a third invitation and surely I’ve had my quota for this lifetime. Is the world trying to tell me something, because I’m hopeless with decisions involving change?
Points in favour.
There is a big part of me that always felt I wasn’t finished with study.
The research I’ve been offered genuinely excites me.
The research would marry up very nicely with my writing interests in ‘feminist motherhood’.
The supervisors are ‘family friendly’.
I promised myself I’d never blog about work and that is a good thing, because lately I’ve started to hate work in a manner resembling ’bitter and twisted’.
My career is stagnating while I work part-time and I can’t see myself working full-time in the near future.
My hours as a PhD student would be flexible and I could work from home most of the time. I’d be able to pick up my daughter from kindergarten, for instance.
I would have a PhD, and potential career change.
Points against.
I’ve just been reading a book for review about the difficulties women face combining academia and motherhood. And the difficulties are considerable.
Even with a scholarship, a grant, and a teaching program I would experience a significant drop in income. We, as a family would have to look at some serious lifestyle changes.
He and I would be studying simultaneously. That is probably one too many for a family.
I might not have time for pursuits like blog writing and facilitating feminist discussion groups if I was pursuing a PhD.
I thought if I ever did a PhD I would do it overseas.
I would not have a ‘weekend’ again for the next 3-5 years.
Some days I am exhausted, could I really handle the workload of a PhD?
……..
Feel free to add your two cents worth but don’t say anything so definitive that when I make my decision you have to tell me that I am therefore a bloody idiot.
Congratulations on being asked!
I have but one tip: If you do decide to do it, I strongly recommend allocating true weekends at regular intervals. Otherwise you will be fit for nothing by the end of it (or possibly by the end of the first three months).
Besides that – blogging about your studies can be great time out and useful reflection, so don’t write blogging off altogether!
Blue milk, a chance to do your PhD doesn’t come along too many times in a life time, although you seem to have had more offers than many…perhaps the universe is trying to tell you something. Perhaps it’s time…
I started my PhD this year, and have made my blog part of my research…so there’s no need to give up blogging… I love the flexibility that doing your PhD provides…I fit my schedule around my daughter… but what I really love is the intellectual stimulation…I was getting bored, or perhap too comfortable with my previous job…Ok there’s down sides too. The scholarship allowance is a pittance, so I would recommend keeping a bit of part time work on the side. It can be a bit isolating… so again keep up the blogging…but like having a baby, it’s a kind of profound experience…
I started a PhD, changed research topics, got depressed and finally accepted that academia wasn’t for me. I jumped into another job, and at the end of that I was offered another PhD (in a fairly dramatically different field from the first one). I dismissed it without thinking.
I wasn’t done with studying, and I am now doing another undergrad. But then that is pretty much my defining characteristic – jack of all trades, master of none.
So my experience is utterly personal and probably very little use to you.
I hope you find the right decision for you.
Well I think everyone who does a PhD is a bloody idiot, but that some people should do them anyway.
If you do decide to do it, and at some point find yourself going mad with it, remember that hundreds of other PhD students around the country are also going mad. It’s not your personality, or your daughter, or your partner, or where you live, it’s PhDs. PhDs make people mad. BUT, it’s only temporary, and if you decide to do it, and you decide to keep doing it til you’re finished, you’ll have a glow for months after you graduate.
For what it’s worth, my best mate did her PhD is a one horse town, couldn’t buy a coffee after 4pm. It didn’t even have a proper pub, none of that really mattered because she didn’t have time to go out anyway and she could console herself that at least the rent was cheap. My other best mate is the daughter of an academic, and her mother did her PhD with two small children. It’s possible, but like most things that are interesting, it’s hard work.
It is possible that doing the PhD work would be rewarding in and of itself, regardless of what job you get afterwards. The skills and experiences translate into a range of opportunities, not just academia.
The costs to you and your family are considerable, and not to be trivialized. I hear two sets of concerns in your “con” list – the concerns about the impact on your life (less money, two people studying at the same time) and the way this isn’t what you visualized (it’s not overseas). I trust that you can find the answer that is right for you.
I second the first comment: if you do this, set aside some regular time to be “off”, ideally for you both simultaneously.
And I ask you one question: when you heard the offer, what was your immediate, gut-level response?
Go for it. Sure some aspects of academia are kinda fucked, but what isn’t? It has the least of many evils, imho. You have so much to contribute, mi amiga.
Congrats on receiving the offer! I have no insight of any kind to share having decided to stop beating my head against the (for me) brick wall of tertiary study with no less than 3 started but not finished undergrad courses behind me.
Good luck with the decision making.
Dear Blue Milk,
As a long time lurker, I have to say I can see clearly that you are a PhD material. I am sure your research and work could contribute much to the world and to us women.
But I also know that it takes a lot of dedication and that it should be a decision you will feel comfortable with. As somebody suggested before me, what was your first instinctual (is that even a word in English?) reaction to the offer?
I agree with the person who said to schedule ‘weekends’. You need them.
Have you talked to BitchPhD about it? I remember reading on her website that although there were downsides to combining a PhD and a little kid, there was a definite positive in that she got more efficient. If you have the babysitter for three hours or whatever then you KNOW that you have to write, NOW!
It’s interesting… I don’t have kids, I really want to do a PhD, but I have the same concerns about money and supporting myself. But then, I have just decided to go be a volunteer overseas for a year and be super poor anyway, so I guess you can see where my priorities really lie! My conclusion here is that research is wayyyyy undervalued and scholarships etc should be at least double the current rates.
Is it possible to satisfy your want to be overseas by doing the odd conference?
I guess (der) but only do it if you really feel a pull in that direction. Otherwise you’ll just resent the time you spend away from Lauca. We’ve only ever downscaled our incomes and we both study (well, I finished my Masters last semester but will probably do a PhD next year), but I feel a much stronger need to be intellectually driven than I do to be financially secure. I get why it’s normal to be the other way round and if I could be both then I’d pick that.
I don’t really get why you have to give up weekends…will you still be working full time? I’ve written five and a half novels since having my girls and done my masters and I’ve rarely worked through a weekend (I’m not boasting, just using it as a measure). I have 2-3 days a week of child-free (ish, they’re often bobbing around but I’m not on snack duty) days and find that’s plenty of time if I’m organised.
Emotionally academia, like any deadline oriented work, can be a strain. I am a bundle of stress at deadline time, and sometimes that can be hard to deal for all of us. But we’re working out ways to deal with it – best so far is either planning a holiday post deadline, or going away on my own for a few days to write (I’ve only done that once, but it was so amazingly successful that I hope to do it a couple of times a year).
Can’t help you with the OS thing, I’m disappointed about that too.
Would you rather just have the e weekends?
And aztec rose is right, make blogging part of your PhD.
I’m still recovering from my PhD experience but there are days where I am amazed at myself for completing it at all. And I’m soooo relieved it’s over. I have something resembling a life now…
Innercitygarden mentioned that PhDs made people mad. Temporarily. Hmm, this is true! There’s something about the intensity and isolation of research that sends you a little batty, especially towards the end, but it’s worth it, if it is what you REALLY want to do. Trust your instincts when making the decision, because apart from being a career decision it’s also a highly emotional one
Plus-side: Doing it with a kid does turn you into a hyper-organised and time efficient human being, if you’re not already. The most significant factor that helped with my completion was having a supportive partner who worked around my requirement for large blocks of time alone to focus and write.
Good luck with making a decision!
Hello! I lurk here often because I am avoiding working on my PhD! (And because your writing is a pleasure to read, and makes me think about things that wouldn’t occur to me otherwise.)
From your list of pros and cons I’d probably recommend that you do it – but only if you’re happy with what that will mean for you financially. But don’t do it without funding. Because you should be able to get funding. And if you don’t get it straight away you should wait and try again.
Re the overseas thing – I’m doing mine overseas and it is a dream come true. But it would have been just as useful and I would have had just as much fun doing one in Australia – the universities are just as good and tend to give you an international perspective anyway. (Actually for my topic it might have been better to be there.) But… if you do want to do one overseas you should look into it and see if it would be possible to fit your lives around it – it might not be, but it might.
PhDs are hard work and they aren’t for everyone but I also think they’re over-romanticised (especially by people who do them!). Like penni says there’s probably no real need to sacrifice weekends. Most students take a long time to do PhDs because they waste a lot of time (me included). I think I’ll still be finished in just over three years. If you really know what you’re doing and you’re organized it is possible to finish in less than three years.
When it comes down to it a PhD is an apprenticeship in learning to write and think at a new level – it doesn’t have to be (and usually isn’t) the most wonderful thing you write in your life.
The other problem is where it leaves you at the end of it all which is what I’m currently stressing about. So I think you should only do it if you are happy to have spent those years of your life on it even if it doesn’t lead to an academic career…
I often get stressed about mine but then I stop and think how blessed I am to be able to spend so much time doing what I love best!
Will stop hogging your comments box now. Good luck!
Hello Bluemilk, I did my PhD (actually it’s a DMA) long before marriage and kids and there are many valid points made here from your clever lovely readers who have more experience on this side of the fence than I do. I have been teaching at universities for about 14 years now, the past few part-time and I am currently on parental leave with my second child (first is almost 5).
I am in awe of people who manage to combine graduate study with parenting, but that’s because my memory of my doctorate was full-time study with a TA-ship that involved teaching 2 or 3 classes that each met twice a week. Enough to drive anyone mad.
I wouldn’t do a PhD without banking some teaching experience with it, otherwise your job prospects aren’t as good as the next PhD who has been teaching for a few years. Definitely schedule weekends, you’ll need them or you’ll go crazy. It doesn’t have to consume your life. Also, don’t forget that your daughter will be at school full-time soon, which does give you more time to yourself.
The idea of incorporating your blog into your research is a really good one.
Good luck with your decision!
Hey – if you want to chat about it — like on the phone (we could skype), message me through facebook. It has great parts and challenges…
I’m a mother working on a PhD and my first reaction to your post was to think, “Gah! She has a PART-TIME JOB! That she often LIKES! Which makes her MONEY! WHAT THE HELL IS SHE THINKING!” My current definition of heaven happens to be a part-time job that I often like in which I make money. Trade? I take your job, you get my half-finished dissertation on politics and rhetoric?
Seriously, if you can financially handle it and really love what you’re working on, it’s periodically quite fun and satisfying. And yet it’s often extremely, ridiculously hard to balance self-directed research and writing with parenting life. It’s nice to have flexible hours, but it’s also unfortunately easy to be flexible to the extent that you end up having less time to work than you really need.
This is particularly the case if you’re working at home. It sounds like it’s hard enough for you to create a space away from Lauca – imagine if you were working at home how much more challenging it would be to really demand your own space and time. If your university is close by and gives you office space, this less of an issue, of course.
Last point – I don’t know how things are in Australia, but in the US the academic tenure system is biased against women with children – especially women with very young children. See all of Mary Ann Mason’s work for the depressing statistics on this. However, you’re probably actually in a pretty good position with Lauca being a few years old here at the outset of your studies (unless you’re considering a #2…)
There was no smiley there intended, by the way. That was just a close-parentheses gone haywire.
Wait, didn’t we determine that combining motherhood with any type of endeavor or work was considerably difficult from The Feminine Mistake?
Do it.
You can always stop or postpone the PhD if it isn’t working for you, and that way you won’t always wonder if perhaps you should have tried.
I have one of those pretty degrees. They are very nice to have, and hell to get. My elder daughter was born about 18 months into it, and I finished it when I found I had twins on the way.
I had a permanent lecturing job for a while, but it really, really, really didn’t mix with three small children. I gave it up, something I sometimes regret, but something I sometimes think was one of the better decisions I ever made. I don’t think I will ever get back into being an academic now.
But I love having the degree. I rest on it, feeling a sense of accomplishment, and a sense of security about myself. It has certainly enabled me to get interesting work.
As someone else said up-thread, Australian universities are as good as any in the world. Unless there’s a particular researcher you want to work with, or a particular research school you want to work it, there’s no academic reason to go overseas to study.
Your call, BlueMilk. I can see the pros and cons. For me, the pros would outweigh the cons, but that’s perhaps a little easier to say from this end of the process.
I completed my PhD a couple of years ago, with a small child in tow. The experience for me was both horrible and wonderful. I was shattered and manic with exhaustion by the end of it.
Being immersed in my subject for those years was a gift. Combining family with study was a challenge, but it was actually very do-able (with a support system in place I might add). It was a very enriching (although broke) period of my life.
Now I’m on the other side of it all, and I am actually very disillusioned with academia and am aiming to leave it behind completely. I’m in an academic job, and am finding it much, much harder to get family time and jump through all the crazy academic hoops that are expected of ‘young’ (ha) academics. So, I emphasise that my comments are coming from a negative and demoralised (not to mention slightly bitter) mind-set. I would like to believe that it could be otherwise.
If you’re going to pull down your pants and slide on the ice (so to speak) and do one of these things then you need to really feel passionate about your topic, (to sustain your interest for the long haul), and have good support in place. A glass of red whilst immersed in a hot bath is very good for managing PhD stress also.
All the best, whatever you decide.
Oh dear, Docwitch. All I can say is, “Snap!”
I walked away from a permanent job in Philosophy because I simply could not manage young children and the absurd demands of my job, from the extraordinary administration duties to beating myself up over trying, trying, trying to get some research done.
I had panic attacks for a couple of years after getting out.
But, a few years later again, I do value having that degree.
BlueMilk, it’s a difficult one. Some women manage it, some don’t. I didn’t. The degree – yes. But not being an academic. There are structural factors in place that make academic life very difficult for women. There’s some research around somewhere that I found on the Feminist Philosphers blog a few months back, showing that female academics have fewer children than women in other jobs, even in comparably high level jobs. (I would search for it and give you the link, but right now I need to put fresh sheets on the elder Miss Seven’s bed, and get all of them tucked in for the night. Later, maybe.)
Thanks everyone for these comments, they have been so thoughtful, and so supportive and so useful. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. These comments have been making a world of difference to my decision making.. although I haven’t actually made one yet.
Hi
Obviously this is a very personal decision but I’ve always believed in the old (and sadly, highly overused) cliche ‘you’ll regret the things you don’t do more than the things you do do’ (or whatever it is!)
Sounds a bit corny I know… but 3-5 years is going to come and go anyway (and pretty quickly too) so when you do look back I bet you’ll wish you’d done it (just judging from your list of ‘pros’)… it could mean avoiding some of those regrets……’I'd have been finished by now……’
I’m not really talking from experience – I’ve never done a PhD but I have done an undergrad degree, one profesional qualification and am now onto a Masters – not quite so intense I imagine but they were (are) extremely tough and I had to work full time in the profession whilst studying (a requirement of the qualification) so I know a thing or two about late nights and no social life… and if I somehow miraculously found myself back 3 years ago, staring down the barrel of years of late nights at work followed by even later nights of studying – I’d still do it, 100%. The sense of achievement and pride I feel now was worth every minute of stress, fatigue, tears, sunny afternoons staring at my books, weight gain, weight loss, arguments and sleeplessness.
PS ‘He and I’ also both studied at the same time – he started (and so finished) first and I can tell you – I found it MUCH easier when he was sharing my pain!
Good luck!
I’m delurking to mention that I began a Ph.D. with a sixteen month old baby and interrupted the doctorate briefly for a second child– I’m about half way through right now and although it is in equal parts exhausting and exhilarating. I think it -does- matter what you plan to do it in as different faculties have differing degrees of support for their parent-students. The most gratifying parts of the blend of parenting and studying are, as you suggested, the flexible hours (though difficult! I feel like I’m at work any time my kids are sleeping!) and the fact that my research is absolutely informed by (and informing) my parenting… this symbiosis was both fantastic and unexpected. I’d love to chat with you about this via email if you are interested.
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