Lauca: This tiger, he is going to have a baby soon.
Me: How exciting. But you know boy animals don’t actually have the babies. They help make the babies but they don’t get pregnant and give birth to the babies.
Lauca: I know, Mummies get pregnant. Did you give birth to me?
Me: Yes.
Lauca: What’s give birth?
Me: It’s the term for when the baby comes out of the Mummy’s vagina.
Lauca: Does it hurt when the baby comes out of your vagina?
Me: Yes, yes it does.
Lauca: I don’t ever want to do that! I Don’t Want To Do That.
Me: (wanting to dampen the alarm, knowing she might be slightly crushed because she loves the idea of having babies one day.. thinking about a similar shock I experienced when I was eight and finally realised that my ambitions to have a baby meant I was going to have to one day have a penis inside me -Hah!).
Me: Well, Mummies don’t really think about the pain because they’re just so excited about having the baby. (Bullshit!)
Me: The pain is a good pain because it means your baby is coming out. (Bullshit!!)
Lauca: (still looking worried).
Me: The pain doesn’t last that long. (Bullshit!!!)
Me: It doesn’t hurt that much. (Bullshit!!!!) I mean I was willing to have another baby.
Lauca: (still looking worried).
Me: Anyway if you want to you can have some special medicine which stops it hurting when you give birth.
Lauca: Did you have that medicine when you gave birth to me?
Me: No.
Lauca: Why not?
Me: I didn’t think I would need it (because of all the bullshit lies I’d heard). I wanted to give birth without medicine because it would be good for both of us.
Lauca: Mummy, please, please take the medicine next time.
Me: (laughing) Yes, I think I will. (Especially if it is another posterior labour).
(P.S. I know some of you mothers have lovely births and the pain really is manageable for you.. and I try not to hate you too much).
So are you gonna be like my mother and wait til she’s already pregnant til you tell her that posterior labour hurts like hell? That you thought you really could just tear in half?
Mum thought it best to wait until it was “too late” for me to decide not to have children. Fortunately it didn’t make me think “Just knock me out, cut me open and wake me up in a week or so”.
I understand completely.
With my first child I initially avoided any chemical assistance and wound up begging for it later. After 2 attempts it didn’t take and I felt every tearing, burning second of it, nearly missing out on my child’s arrival as I was delirious with pain.
With the second I took my OB’s advice on the epidural and I had an awesome experience. I progressed normally and was completely lucid and able to give every push my absolute all. It was really fantastic.
Oh my god that is the funniest thing all day! And much needed after my partner’s child decided our day was going to suck after we offered her weetbix for breakfast.
I love seeing what little ones’ minds come up with as their first guess. My eldest (boy) didn’t ask if it hurt, he asked what would happen if the baby came out and you didn’t know it was coming. He was clearly concerned babies might start dropping out of women with no warning.
I told it him it hurt too much to not notice and he was satisfied. I guess without having to worry about it happening to you, pain was not real alarming.
Oh I so loved that description of one of THOSE conversations.
You know what’s happening at the moment? Girlchild’s cooking dinner. You have that to look forward to. (In case there are lurkers in here pointing and going AHA, I should point out Boychild is actually the cooking-er one of the two.)
Hysterical.
I didn’t have a posterior birth with #1, but thought the whole thing was pretty G-D awful without drugs. With #2 I told myself I could have drugs without apology if I wanted. Didn’t need them b/c it was so much easier. Not EASY, mind you, just easier than the first time.
You might find yourself pleasantly surprised!
I was horrified by how hard birthing was the first time. I couldn’t even close my eyes those first few days without having flashbacks. But for my second chance to try birthing, I did it on my hands and knees. It was a lot easier! I find I only need the medicine once the birth is over. I have such a hard time with the aftercramps. I hope that this second birthing goes well for you and your baby!