As you may know, when you’re breastfeeding you can sometimes find yourself trapped for 40 minutes at a time wherever it was you happened to open your bra to your hungry baby. Usually I at least remember to gulp down a drink of water before hand knowing that I am about to feel intensely thirsty but often I forget to grab some decent reading material, and so it was that I found myself stuck on the bed with nothing more than a free copy of Mother & Baby from my hospital-issued sample bag.
Now Mother & Baby is a bit of a soft target so I won’t go too crazy with it, but a few of my observations follow. Hmm flick, flick, flick. A lot of white babies here. Oh, wait. A baby of colour, and she is even being used as the main picture for an article.
Just where did your little one learn her bad language or rude manners? From the brown baby, one assumes.
Nice.
A bit of fat-phobia to follow up with. Obesity epidemics are the white mothers’ toddler feeding anxiety of the moment. Look what they’ve done to the poor fatsy biscuit. Fat biscuits should be happy biscuits.
Baby magazines are peculiarly fixated on sex. Every issue seems to cover the burning question of when you can resume your normal sex life after giving birth. Is this really the question on the lips of all new parents? Now, I’m all for pregnancy being viewed as part of a woman’s normal reproductive life and not some kind of chaste interval in her sexuality but the pornified pose for selling pregnancy lingerie is kind of comical, no? Must we porn up pregnancy, must we? This advertisement for Hot Milk Lingerie inspired my curiosity enough to check out their website where I found other cringe-worthy moments.
And by the by, I may be too vegetarian for this advertisement, so meat eaters does this ‘toddler-tempting creation’ say yummy “sausage snake” to you? It says dog turd to me.
Meat-eater here. Definitely dog turd. Ack.
Actually, I thought it was a snail. But see the dog turd now that you’ve mentioned it (from another meat eater)
Wow, hardly delivered the placenta and patriarchy-blaming already! *Genuflects* U.R. Awesome. that’s you’re new pen name!
Urk. Stupid baby mags. Looking at all the headlines makes me feel ill.
So what’s baby boy’s nickname going to be?
Dog turd with pointy stick! So appropriate for toddler food. Personally, I follow the crowd when serving snags to kids and just chop ‘em up so they can eat with their hands. Sausages need no jazzing up, they are a meat-eating toddler’s favourite.
My aunt took to leaving drink bottles of water on the side table and in the middle of the couch, so she could reach a drink with either hand from her favourite feeding spot. At least one of those bottles should be next to a book or a remote control. I went more for watching stuff on my laptop, which wasn’t on my actual laptop because that was taken. Not very good for my neck, but I did see a lot of West Wing.
Snail for me. And the pointy stick, yes, so toddler friendly. And gosh how those toddlers do love to wait for their food while you arrange it food-stylishly on the plate. A champion notion.
I left glasses of water all around the house on flat surfaces near chairs. And then when I put them in the sink at the end of the day I felt like I’d really achieved something.
Snail for me too… I find copious quantities of just about any sauce makes most food more appealing. I doubt it would help the snail. Although meat eater, I don’t eat sausages, so my opinion may be invalid.
I did much bellowing for water and books and remotes…
kids like dog turds…
I think, sadly, many new moms do fret about how soon they can (are supposed to) resume their sex life. There is an obligation, you know. If you require a hiatus, you should feel guilty, guilty, guilty. You should worry just how long your husband is going to wait around, and worry about how you will have to pay in other ways in order to keep him happy. And you will have to reassure him, and it helps to have magazine articles with experts quoted that will let you set a reassuring deadline.
It would be so nice if magazines would advise women that they should be able to shrug and say, “All I know is I don’t feel like it now. As to when? I’m not sure how I’m supposed to know when I’ll feel like it. Prooooobably when I’m rested and healed (which will come faster if I’m rested). Oh, and when you aren’t making me feel guilty by nagging about it.”
But that would be ridiculous. And that would suggest that when you do should rely on when you want to. Magazine articles focus on how soon you can and how to hustle things along with stretching and relaxing and alcohol, because lack of ability, not lack of appetite, is the only valid excuse.
[...] Adventures in baby magazines [...]
Eww.
I hate those magazines.
In the many 30-60 minutes ntervals that I still find myself stuck feeding my toddler I now read blogs or email on my ipod. I just wish that I’d bought it when she was born. It has been such a boredom saver.
Bad, bad brown baby! I get amused / sickened by fellow whiteys’ reactions to brown babies in this country (where whiteys are the foreigners). Little kids often run around naked here, or just with a top on, and babies don’t really wear nappies. Apparently this is unnatural. hahaha.
Poor fatty biscuit. You are exactly right. Fat biscuits should be happy biscuits. Cheer up, little biscuit.
Um, bendy pointy wooden snappy thing in a kid’s food? No I don’t think that’s a great idea. Not to mention, how the fuck did they get a sausage to even bend that way? Usually they just break in half if you bend ‘em.
Plus, I am an omnivore, and yes that totally looks like dogshit.
I saw a snail, and, um, hate to admit it, but I’m a bit partial to snails so that wasn’t unapertising. When I realise it’s just a sausage though it loses appeal. Such a comedown from escargot in garlic butter…
I agree… dog turd.
The porno pregnancy stuff, is just a bit much. It’s one thing to feel sexy and beautiful while pregnant…. but there is a line that was crossed there.
Ew – I love sausages (much to my partner’s horror) and that looks like dog shit to me.
I did love my free baby mag with it’s ‘Daddy needs a STONG and CAPABLE baby carrier and Mummy needs a LOVELY and SOFT baby sling’ advertorial. Given that my partner chose our sling because ‘wtf do I want buckles and things that hold her away from me for?’, we were decidedly not the demographic they’re looking for. That and the $90 baby hoodie got it tossed into the recycling.
At the moment I’m having an allergic reaction to all maternity lingerie – after going to the ABA who have no maternity/nursing bras in my size, I rang my old supplier who doesn’t have any in stock, but can order something. It should be here in a month. I’m hoping BEFORE NerdBaby gets here. Made a little more urgent by realising I actually started leaking the day I wore no bra whereas since then I’ve gotten a teensy bit of crusting. So Hotmilk can shove it.
And I’ll love you, poor fat gingerbread man.
Bad move. Never open Bounty Bags. The chemicals alone can cause birth defects.
And yes, definitely a dog turd. And now the puzzle about my children’s nose picking has been resolved! They NEVER would have learned that from me
Bad brown baby!!
I only wish my dogs’ turds looked this neat.
[...] Adventures in baby magazines blue milk [...]