Something I’ve noticed since being on maternity leave? How differently I respond to any ambivalence Lauca shows towards kindergarten. When she gets a little teary or reluctant about going to kindergarten these days I just don’t feel that kick in the guts that I used to feel when I needed her to be there so I could get to work. Mother guilt, I got it.
There are a variety of factors at play here, it is not just about work, but I’m pretty sure that some unresolved feelings about leaving my child in order to work remains a major one.
I haven’t read this new book by Ellen Galinsky, but I would love to – Ask the Children: The Breakthrough Study That Reveals How to Succeed at Work and Parenting. What do you learn about balancing work and family when you interview thousands of children from different ethnic backgrounds on the topic?
Noted work-family researcher Ellen Galinsky overturns accepted thinking on quality vs. quantity time and many other guilt-inducing “myths”, reveals children’s one greatest wish for changing how work affects their parents’ lives, shares relationship stories of how families stay close, and outlines a brilliant new set of operating principles to navigate work-family challenges, including: Proven tactics for enhancing life at work; Ways to de-stress at work and at home; How to encourage family communication-and what to say to do once you have your child’s attention; How to decode the messages your children are getting about the world and work; Simple family traditions that foster well-adjusted children; And much more.
And here is an interesting interview with Galinksy on her research. (Loved her terms ‘focused time’ and ‘hang-around time’).
I like Galinskys thought that the notion of work-life balance is flawed. Ive rarely felt this state of balance in 9 years of trying to achieve this perfect state! As she says, it sets you up for failure. I agree with her suggestion that we use the term ‘navigating work and family life’.
Interestingly, i have always fiund it so much easier to drop my kids off at kindy when I have been working close to full-time. Its just: ‘drop, kiss and go’. that was the way it had to be. Now that I am working less, and (in my case) so much more involved with the daily emotional needs of my youngest child, I am more connected to her struggles with separation. I indulge her so much more than I used to; and that feels OK for me. Indulge has a negative ring to it, so I guess I mean listen to her needs so much more as I have time now.
Thanks for the post! Ill seek out this book, for sure.
Forgot to say, I remeber well that ‘kick-in-the guts’ wrench of guilt at the kindy drop off. It would bring me to tears, and then you have to get to work and be in control once again. Now thats a difficult path to navigate!
I find it easier to do the daycare thing when I am working – wierd.
I thik when I am at home I feel I should be with her (not just the baby).