Like Penelope Trunk my miscarriage started at work. Ms Trunk was relieved to be miscarrying, I was devastated. Regardless of those differences, the process of having to maintain a professional appearance (ie. silence) in a very male environment while experiencing something so uniquely female, and so physically and mentally consuming is tough and deserves talking about. I like the title of Trunk’s post so much. Women are in the workplace, so everything that happens to women’s bodies is a workplace event, and is totally ok for women to discuss. End of story.
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Neither of mine started at work, but the first one happened when I was working, and I told everyone what was happening and was asked if I wanted to take the week I needed to wait for the D&C off. I was bloody lucky.
A woman I worked with came around to my desk one morning and said “I’m having another f&%^ing miscarriage!”. We exchanged commiserations, statistics and so on and she went grumbling back to her desk. I’m pretty sure she told every bloke in that incredibly male dominated room, and I was in awe of her. To add a happy ending, the last time I saw her she had a beautiful chubby baby, so our statistical estimates were correct.
Yes! Agreed. I took the same attitude to pumping milk at once. I spoke up at the staff meeting and explained to everyone that if my office door was closed, it meant I was on the phone or pumping milk for my baby. In either instance, I would not be answering their knocks on my door or calls to my phone. I said they should send an e-mail or come back later.
…my point being that I felt it was appropriate and normal for me to mention that I was pumping at work and not something I thought I needed to be ashamed of.
Mine started on a road trip down the Great Ocean road last month at exactly 13 weeks (was a missed miscarriage where the baby dies but your body still thinks its pregnant for weeks after that). God I was pissed to get so far in, but again had to keep things together because I was in a foreign country (as an aside why do hospitals in Australia insist on asking if I am married, surely it is none of their damn business?)
My work knew about it and were great, especially as I ended up in hospital for 2 nights after an infection caused by ‘retained products’ from the D&C.
stef in my experience of working in hospitals their interest is only in working out who your family are, who your support people are, who your next of kin is. There are more useful ways of asking those questions, but they tend to start with “are you married?” in an attempt to short cut.
Given the amount of time devoted to footy tipping in some workplaces, I find the comments about “professionalism” pretty wierd. A friend of mine mentioned to her office mate not long after he started working with her “once a month I have a very painful period, I apologise in advance for any grumpiness, but I’m doing my best”. He coped. It’s probably his idea of TMI, but at least he doesn’t have a colleague who is miserable for a day or two a month for no obvious reason. Better to know that she’s in pain and will be back to full functioning in a couple of days.
innercity, Yeah I guessed that. In New Zealand they just ask who your next of kin/contact person is.
I lost my mucous plug at work…. went into full active labor there too. I also never batted at eye at saying “excuse me for leaving this meeting, but I have to go pump.”
I haven’t read Trunk’s post (I just can’t, not right now) but I have read many that referenced her post and the “feminist” buzz around the blogosphere seemed to say that we should all be celebrating the idea of abortion. I cannot do that. Just because we should have safe and legal access to abortions does NOT mean we should be glamorizing them. It reminds me of all the childless feminists who talk about cesareans like they’re a perfectly simple out-patient procedure. Some things are a little more serious than a hair cut, and I think abortions and cesareans are two of those things. After reading Deeply Problematic brag about being what she calls “PRO-Abortion” (not pro-choice) I just cannot take any more talk like that. Not right now.
Hmm that is an interesting perspective and you have me curious – don’t want to get you into a flame war but any hint on the links where you feel they are glamorizing?
Not sure that I see Trunk as bragging about abortion, but probably more relieved and also less distressed by the end of a pregnancy than generally people are used to seeing expressed. Women have many different reactions to their abortions, sadness is quite common, but relief is even more common a response.
TFB, are you sure you aren’t buying into the mainstream ethos that rather than being a straightforward procedure (and I’m sure you know most surgical procedures aren’t a walk in the parkwhich people undergo for the sheer fun of it) abortion should be the occasion for a little extra punishment, a few extra hoops to go through just for the purpose of punishing the woman because otherwise, you know, they’d be getting abortions at 22 weeks just from sheer selfishness (and they don’t think about what they’re doing already!) The procedure should be straightforward. We need to trust women to make the right decision, not rely on social structures to herd and restrict and punish women in their reproductive choices, because of assumptions that we all love teh abortions.
I have miscarried at work too – although the spotting started the night before, at a friend’s place to watch the 1996 Federal election. We joked, glumly, that the foetus was obviously not about to hang onto life under yet another term of Howard. Then we tried again and amazingly, Boychild decided to come out (three weeks before the doctors’ due date, but fully cooked) on the SAME DAY one year later. Spookah!!
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