This article has me thinking. I have breastfed babies (and toddler) in a lot of places, including a church, but I have never been harassed for it. Am I missing something or is Australia quite tolerant?
I am curious, have you been harassed for breastfeeding (or bottle feeding, for that matter)? Where was it (Australia or another country)? Public or private location? How old was your child/baby? What was the outcome?
I was, once, 15 years ago in a restaurant. I was asked to go else where, told them where to go. Stayed put and no one made any more fuss. that was it. never since until I went to the US nearly a year ago when a woman stood in front of me where i was sitting breastfeeding on a public bench at Pt Reyes national park, She stopped, pointed at me and started screeching profanities at me. It was mid winter and no-one was even around except my family. It was soooo crazy insanely funny that i nearly wet myself laughing and nearly dropped the trying-to-feed baby! The US has issues with naked babies on beaches too so breast feeding crazyness there does not surprise me.
I’ve never been harassed, and I breastfed everywhere. In restaurants, in parks, in the street, in bars (5@7, nothing too crowdy), at parties… I live in Montréal. We also travelled to Paris last summer, and I breastfed in public there too and never got in any trouble.
I’ve been breastfeeding for coming up on 9 months and have never once been harassed for it here in Canada. Although my sister-in-law apparently had someone scold her for bottle-feeding her baby in a mall (“breast is best” etc). And she brilliantly returned that well, after a double mastectomy and chemo, it was a miracle her little one was even conceived. Total fabrication, but it shut the heckler right up.
I’ve breastfed in restaurants, churches, parks, at the beach, never once had anyone so much as look askance at me. But my next door neighbour’s FIL’s attitude had her breastfeeding her under 6 month-old twins awkwardly on her bed instead of in their usual spot on her own lounge when he visited. So I’m quite sure it’s not that Australia is uniformly tolerant.
Never personally. I was waiting for it, actually, comebacks prepared! It has happened to friends of mine. One at a shopping centre (don’t you know there are parents’ rooms dear?), one at a restaurant (could you cover that up please, we’re eating?) and another at a restaurant who was asked to go to the toilets to feed, by a waiter. She had only recently moved to Australia and wasn’t aware of her rights and ended up feeding her baby in a tiny, smelly little bathroom. I have drawn stares and my husband is convinced that a couple moved tables at a cafe to be away from my breastfeeding one day, but no one has actually verbalised their disgust.
I’ve been breastfeeding for over two years and have done it everywhere openly, and I’ve never been criticised for it, though as my son gets older, the looks of surprise are increasing. I’m in Australia. My British friend tells me it is far less accepted over there. I can’t imagine how difficult that would make it. Just another complication to parenting, forcing more isolation.
My kid is very boob happy in this country. No one bothers, in a plane (they usually provide you the seating with more leg-room), inside the car, in a shop, in a restaurant. I don’t cover him with a towel because he yanks it off, so I just wear a loose t-shirt. Works fine. The oldest granny in this country will insist that you breast feed, I’m glad formula didn’t catch on as much as in other places. Plus we’ve got all this awesome herbal lore for the nutrition of the mother. The doctor said it was rubbish, but then the doctor was rubbish. I wish I could tell her that.
I was never hassled while feeding (I’ve only done it in Australia), but I did have a lady who was fitting bras make some snide comments when I said I couldn’t wear underwire because I was still feeding. Fred was, gosh, only about 16 months – the woman was appalled, saying she was far too old for it, possibly more concerned about the state of my underwireless boobs than social decency. Either way I left the store quickly and never went back.
I never noticed being hassled, although I didn’t realise it was a possibility until after I’d stopped, so I never looked for it. Perhaps people were giving me the evil eye and I nwas oblivious. All my feeding was in Australia apart from a couple of days in London and a week in Italy. In Italy, people would come up to the baby to get a closer look when I was feeding him, so either I was regarded as so outrageous that people felt comfortable coming in for a squiz, or it is pretty well accepted in the bits I went to.
I’ve breastfed 3 babies for a total of 41 months and never had a negative comment or been looked at askance (that I noticed). I do live in a fairly baby-friendly suburb of Sydney but I’ve also breastfed without qualm in cafes and bookshops in the CBD and only ever had supportive/accepting reactions (smiles, questions about the baby, spontaneous offers of glasses of water etc). Although, speaking of fathers-in-law, my MIL always nudged my FIL and made him leave the room or at least my immediate vicinity when I started breastfeeding.
My husband has taken our daughter to the hospital. Although before he left he said I should take her. I wasn’t keen: tired, so many previous trips to hosp, breastfed bub to take as well or leave behind and hope she doesn’t wake. He said that really it’s my job and that I should just handle it. “Sick kids want their mums.”
Now I’m full of gloom and guilt and self doubt.
Any thoughts?
Took my husband 3 kids and I don’t know how many trips to hospital before he begrudgingly took one. He was most proud of himself when he did, and he’s not looked back. Doctor and hospital trips have been evenly split.
In our case it was fear on his part more than anything, I suspect. If anything similar applies to you, this could be an excellent precedent.
Oh, and sick kids mostly need anyone that loves them, and treatment to get better. Dad + hospital sounds like the right recipe to me, at least. (But I’m sure you knew that!)
I have had my stepmother’s family and my partner’s family physically -withdraw- from me whilst breastfeeding, leaving me in my own little circle of turned backs, at family gatherings. I received neither Evil Eye or nasty words, but one woman cut herself off mid-sentence when I got ready to feed the baby, in order to leave.
My father in law has made cracks about “is he STILL feeding?!” (at eight months!) and in discussions he and my mother in law have made it clear they Do Not Approve of breastfeeding in public.
And I got some nasty comments about breastfeeding=dependency at a Baby Party this weekend past, from a friend of a friend (who was in her forties), who didn’t know I was still breastfeeding. But it made me uncomfortable enough to ask the hostess if I should use a private room (and I ended up going round the corner from most of the other guests).
It pretty much seems to be an older generation thing, which makes me hopeful!
Nic – I agree with Ariane, re: sick kids needing people who love them and can acre for them. Also on the fear. my partner is still nervous about our 17 month old and being left to care for him, alone. He frets especially about his health.
I didn’t have any negative comments at all. I breastfed until my son was about 15 months. Many older people were vocally supportive, wherever I was. They said encouraging comments to me and my husband and smiled upon us all. I don’t think it was down to living in a baby-friendly suburb of Brisbane, because I fed him on public transport and shopping centres across Brisbane and Melbourne. I had been apprehensive or concerned that other people would make me feel self-conscious, so I was pleased to find such support.
And Nic, I strongly agree that so long as the child has someone he loves with him at the hospital, that’s fine. My son has had me, my husband and on a few occasions his grandmother with him. Or all of us.
I have never had problems while feeding my baby but have had negative comments while pumping in public (which I needed to do to increase my supply so I could, you know, feed my baby).
Apparently people felt more offended if the baby wasn’t directly attached to the nipple.
I breastfed my daugther until she was two-years-old, and didn’t have any direct comments from the public. My father and FIL were a little uncomfortable, but did their best not to make me feel awkward, staying in the room with me while staring at the ceiling. It only made me more determined to openly breastfeed in as many situations as possible.
I once breastfed in a car-racing grandstand, and it was the one place I was truly nervous about public responses, but it seems the people who have been through it already (motor-racing fans included) are those who also understand that it is just a part of life.
In any case, my view has always been that people would rather put up with public breastfeeding than a screaming child.
I am Canadian, and I have breastfed most everywhere. I have never been harassed, although I know people who have received comments. And I have heard news stories related to women in my area being asked to move or cover up.
I like to believe that breastfeeding harassment is actually very rare, and that’s what makes it newsworthy. While I am sure that we don’t hear about every single case, we definitely don’t hear about the cases where mothers nurse their babies uneventfully. And because of that skew towards only the negative stories being reported, we think that they are more prevalent than they actually are.
The only place I ever had negative experiences breast feeding was at a BBQ surrounded by my partners’ friends. All were childless. I strongly felt they couldn’t get past the idea they were seeing ‘Kris’ [sexual] boobs – shock!’ rather than a mother breast feeding. I wonder if now that some have had children their attitude might have changed.
I think actual incidents of harassment are pretty rare in Aus. But they don’t have to be common to keep women afraid and in their place. Just one or two negative stories and any kind of insecurity about one’s breast feeding rights – particularly if one feels generally vulnerable during new motherhood, as I did – can make breast feeding in public a scary proposition and something that can limit women’s movements. I was never harassed but I was nervous and so felt unsure of my place in public space. Both the experience and the possibility undermine women as mothers and citizens.
I’ve breastfed in the UK mainly but also for weeks at a time in the US and have never had a negative comment. I’ve had a few long stares or looks of disgust but never anything said directly to me or requests to cover up. I don’t think *anywhere* is universally breastfeeding-friendly, nor is anywhere universally hostile to it. There will always be both types of reactions in most societies, so it’s just a matter of protecting it by law and trying to normalize it.
My inlaws were all creaped out that I could breast feed my son and maintain a conversation with them at the same time without feeling immodest. In public I try to cover up, but tell that to a 9 month old baby who likes to grab things and pull on them….. Ya right! I nursed in church all the time, but then again I got to a liberal UU church (GLBT and Pagan friendly) so what’s a little nudity there, right? LOL I think the worst form of harassment I ever got was in the work place. I was pumping milk, and this employee, a woman, called the pump, my boobie sucker, and others made a big stink about me keeping my milk in the refrigerator where everyone has their lunch. Like breast milk is toxic waste, right? I really could care less if someone has an issue with me feeding my son. They can just have some self control and not watch if it bothers them! But then again, I’m a bit of an exhibitionist….LOL…
Dove, of the US of A