Because sometimes motherhood really does suck, and not just the times when the patriarchy is ganging up on you either.
Crafty mothers make spectacularly beautiful blogs but something about the unrelenting beauty gives me pause, because really, day in and day out, no break in sight, giving and giving and giving, and no sign of a struggle. Are you alive in there? It makes me twitchy, though I realise the point of these blogs is to give their authors and readers a place to celebrate the beauty not the agony of the home-maker experience. And so my friend, who loves her crafty blogs, was pleased to point out this post to me: The Makings of a Day, from SouleMama. See, they have their off days too.
I found this very charming but not so crafty blog all on my own. The suckiness of the early days of motherhood, ah, there is nothing like that first time is there, ‘mother shock’ sucks the most: bad reacting from evany’s extended cake mix and one other of hers for good measure.
Very stomach-led reaction to evany’s posts. I remember that feeling of vitriolic hatred for things beyond my control, especially things that affected the baby. The Home Icecream delivery man was my mortal enemy with his ‘ding ding ding’.
I think the craft is a way of covering up the struggle or at least being able to point to something so you can say ’see, not all wasted’ about the day or week or year. I get it, but I couldn’t do it myself.
I wish I’d read this before I posted my most recent post. Some days it’s not change you need, just solidarity.
I love my crafty blogger friends, and I think you’ve missed the point a bit Pen. In my reading of local and international craft blogs I have come to the conclusion that they’re roughly divided in half, there are
a) women who discovered while at home with their children that actually they are creative people, with talents and pleasures they’d never had the time or opportunity to invest in pre-kids because they went to paid work and did more socially acceptable stuff to fill in their time (ie. stuff that is not so heavily coded female)
b) women who have always been artistically/designy/crafty-inclined who alter their creativity to media that you can use around kids, ie. you can knit while supervising a toddler but oil paints or screen printing are not so great
Either way, it’s the making time that gets crafty mothers through the day, just as winding down with a glass of wine or a book or an evening stroll is the thing many other mothers cling to for dear life. I’ve been thinking a lot about women and creativity lately, Rachel Power’s book “The Divided Heart” features lots of mothers who are also artists of one kind or another and for all of them the struggle is to find a way of continuing to create while mothering. For some creative work is paid well enough that they can afford some childcare, for others the choice is to create while the kids are underfoot or give up their art completely. I think for many crafting mothers, including me, it’s a way of continuing to make stuff when some of the other options are cut off. For some it’s also an enviroment-inspired rebellion against the overconsumption that happens so enthusiastically around children.
I craft as therapy. I was always artsy, but discovered pre-pregnancy that making stuff was an excellent way to reprogram my Anxiety and Depression ridden brain…or at least, distract it for a while.
Now, making time is me time. I’m not Mummy, or part 1 of a 2-part Parental Unit. I’m just me.
I remember reading a (crafty) blog post when the Tiny Tyrant was about 3 months old. The blogger was exclaiming over how much her Mummy blogger friends seemed to get done each day, and wondering how on earth they fitted it all in. It stuck with me because 1)she recognised that caring for small children can be weirdly involved and involving and 2)it made me laugh and want to tell her about how I now got so much more done each day than before I had a Small Person underfoot! On good to okay days, my prioritising and time-management skills have become truly sensational. XD
[...] Blue Milk: There is a reason why I have an entire category dedicated to ‘motherhood sux’ [...]
Oh thank god I’m not the only one who feels this way. I do love to sew. And I do love to read Soulemama, but it’s a love/hate thing, because I always come away feeling so damn inadequate.
My favorite love/love/love craft blog is http://www.soozs.blogspot.com/ I guess it’s not only a craft blog, but this lady makes me think, laugh loud and I come away feeling like, yep we’re in it, but it’s ok and, importantly, I’m ok.
I think Kate makes a good point re: crafty blogs.
Also I often feel torn on this issue. Sometimes what I really need is the inspiration to reframe my attitude and responses to the challenges of motherhood and the slightly Pollyanna approach can be incredibly helpful. At other times I just want to whinge and to feel less alone in my struggles.
I have found that my mothers group is a great place for a whinge though. And there are no permanent records of those conversations to haunt me. Meaning that I have generally tried (fairly unsuccessfully) to be a bit more positive online.