I’ll tell you what’s so terribly wrong with this picture? Not enough part-time or otherwise flexible job options for people. It shouldn’t have had to be a choice between working incredibly inflexible full-time hours (and then some) or pulling out altogether and losing precious attachment to the workforce for Katy Read once she became a mother.
I love, love, love my part-time job (most of the time) and I just don’t know what I would have done if I had lived in the USA where part-time professional jobs are so much rarer and there may not have been a choice for me.
BTW. Here are more of my thoughts on the stay-at-home versus work-outside-the-home decision in motherhood; a post in which I reviewed Leslie Bennett’s book, The Feminine Mistake.
I write lots about the ‘work and family balancing act’ here and there is a whole category devoted to it on the site in case you want to explore that more. I know, I know, a bit lazy of me to just point to 180 or so old posts and say – there you go – but what can I say, I am tired and it is a work night. Work and family balancing in action.
I just wrung several lifestyle concessions out of my boyfriend by threatening to apply for a fulltime job.
But, I have the ONLY part time position in my company. There is no chance of moving up in the company without going back to fulltime (plus overtime) and I’m dying of boredom over here. I’m thinking about going back to not working for a while, if “our family” can’t handle 2 fulltime workers (boyfriend’s job is non-negotiable, just thinking about cutting back to 50 hours/week gives him panic attacks.)
One of the biggest lessons I took from The Feminine Mistake was how often ‘opting out’ is a euphemism for being pushed out.
Absolutely.
There does need to be more part-time and flexible work. I work in an industry that is pretty demanding, time-wise, but does offer more flexibility than most – and, I suspect, more part-time options. And so I can’t count the number of my friends who have maintained some attachment to paid labour while mothering, as indeed did I.
But flexibility needs to be matched with available and appropriate child care as well. That’s what nearly sent our family off the rails and me out of paid labour: we couldn’t find anyone to care for our kids while we worked.
Also, it’s striking how utterly absent the father is in Read’s discussion, and in almost every discussion on parenting-working. Loads more part-time jobs won’t change the long term implications of mothering unless men, as well as women, are taking the risks as well as pleasures of parenting.
I hope you are all able to stay safe and dry, BM. My family comes from the Lockyear Valley – it’s been quite a shock hearing the news from over that way!
Just wanted to say that I’ve been reading your blog for a while, and just appreciate your writing. Reading your review of Bennett’s book helped me clarify some thoughts and make some decisions that had to be made. So thank you!
You simultaneously scare me and inspire me, BlueMilk. This *trust* we are asked to place in our partners is down right scary. Also, the pattern we keep perputating and showing our children – women = caregivers men=workers. *shiver*.
I currently looking at reentering the workforce as we speak and the implications around my parenting and my marriage are wonderful and scarey.
But all in all, the system just HAS TO change doesn’t it? Because otherwise we can not win.
Thanks for the large food for thought.
I am often reminded how lucky I am to be a well paid public servant. Not only did I have the right to keep my job after having children but I also had flexibility in returning part time (up to a point & to be negotiated each year). I chose the public service so I wouldn’t have to make the decision to abandon my career like so many of my friend have.
Thank you!
Nice to have my difficult, working in a male dominated, inlfexible profession, choices validated with a bit of true “wisdom” I have had a lot of people offer their ill informed wisdom that I am compromising my children somehow and will be filled with regret.
Thank you
I told my husband recently that I was considering starting work, either at a part-time or full-time position–or even a home-based business if I can handle it–and he said, “Why would you *want* to? I make enough” and “Are you sure you’ll be able to be fulfilled in a environment like that?” (Ed. I am certainly not completely fulfilled as an at home parent like I apparently “should” be!) and “Why? Our son needs constant care until school – and even after he gets into kindergarten and first grade, it’s still preferable to have a parent around.”
Why, why, why.
And I had no answer, except that I’m scared. I’m scared my skills are dulling and my resume, which has never had an “actual” job on it, is going to be impossible to accept when I actually *do* go back to work, not to mention the whole Death, Disability, and Divorce issue.
Thanks for this post.
Because you want to work at something besides kids. Because you are not and do not have to be completely fulfilled doing ANY one thing, and that includes looking after kids. If your child ‘needs’ someone there all the time, what about HIS contribution to that, so you can do other work even one day a week? What about broadening your child’s horizons due to having increased social interaction, more than one carer or knowing his mother is happy and fulfilled by her paid work? Because it’s important to you to :have: other skills and other work on your resume. Because your partner should support you in things you want to do with your life.
Because you bloody well want to.
Thinking of you.
You could always offer him your spot, and see how enticing it seems. Dependence *is* scary.
I read it too, and had the same reaction as you.
“Not enough part-time or otherwise flexible job options for people.”
Then I read the comments and they were so cruel. People are so quick to accuse women of “whining” when they try to point out this very real problem. Makes it damnably difficult to talk about.
Hmm… this post has certainly made me re-evaluate my priorities. Our little family is currently living the equally-shared parenting dream over in NZ: he works 4 days in a male-dominated private sector job, I work 3 days in a female-dominated public sector job, we share drop-offs, pick-ups, nappy changing, getting up a night, you name it. We love it, we both get to be parents and professionals and no-one’s sense of self-worth is tied to how much housework they do. My conflict arises when we talk about moving overseas, specifically to North America. I could potentially out-earn my husband and he’s happy to stay at home full-time, but it would involve “opting out” of a lot of the time I spend with my daughter (or alternatively, opting out of the workforce). All this reflecting certainly has made me feel very privileged to be in a country/position where I didn’t have to make that choice.
Also, I’d like to second what Carly said: thank you for providing us with such excellent and thought-provoking writing. You’ve been such an inspiration during my first year as a mum.
This work-life balance thing is the single biggest thing that stops me from throwing my pills out the window.
If I got pregnant now, I’d have a baby three months after finishing my degree, just after starting full-time with my company. In some ways it’d be great, because my boss is disabled and has set up our workplace so that a whole load of work can be done from home, so I know I’d still have a job. But J’s currently working in retail, and has always worked in retail, and that would leave me literally holding the baby while he did his stupid, virtually non-negotiable shifts.
That doesn’t look like any kind of fun, and I don’t think it would leave me in a brilliant place, career-wise. Which is why I have an appointment with a nurse on Monday to get more pills!
I really enjoyed the article (despite it making me somewhat depressed). But the comment were awful. Why were the readers so harsh on her?
I haven’t read the comments due to a desire to not have my blood boil over today, but I can guess as to a couple of reasons:
1. Because (some) people have a fixed idea of what a woman should be, most especially wrt children and parenting.
2. Because she “made a choice and now she is whining about it? tough luck!” (I can guarantee that voice was represented in the comment thread! I’ve heard it too often in real life for it not to be!)
3. Becuase they feel she’s judging them, and nothing puts people’s backs against the wall faster than a (likely “santimonious,” regretful,” and/or “uppity”) woman who judges them.
I am sure you are exactly right, Cassandra. I read only a few of them before I decided my blood had been boiling enough and I should stop.