Here is a piece written by Airial Clark on discussing slut-shaming with her 11 year old son. It is from Good Vibrations Magazine. I can’t think of anything amazing to say about it, too late at night here, but go read it, it’s really great:
After making me promise I wouldn’t call the school and make a deal about it, he confided in me that some of his classmates were kissing after school. He then told me about a girl in his class, Z, and how she had kissed 3 boys this year, “3, Mom! Can you imagine? And everybody knows. She just kisses whoever she wants and her sister is so embarrassed. I don’t blame her, I would be ashamed to have my sister act like that! Sheesh.”
Wait? What? This is where it gets interesting for me as a sex positive parent. My son just went from wishing he was sexy to shaming a girl for being just that? I rolled up my sleeves and got ready to do some unpacking.
As a parent it is so good to see how other parents tackle these conversations. Cos believe me, these tricky issues seem to come up with your kids when you have the least warning – suddenly, there you find yourself; knee deep in a conversation explaining racist nicknames to a five year old (like I was this week) or slut-shaming to an eleven year old (as in this article above); and you are double-thinking every word coming out of your mouth, wanting to get it all just so; but all the while also trying to do something totally mundane and yet somehow urgent, like reverse park the car or drain the pasta. And you need these parents like Clark to remind you of good phrasing and good questioning and good sense for when that moment with your kid springs itself upon you.
Thanks for this link. I gobble up examples like this – I find them so encouraging and helpful. Will you be sharing your conversation about racist nicknames? I would love to hear!
Great link, BlueMilk.
macondo mama, I’ve got the view from the other side of the fence, so to speak – I wrote a few years ago about the day my mum spoke to me about racism.
[...] Having a conversation about slut-shaming with your primary schooler: Blue Milk links to an article by Arial Clark, whose 11 year old son comes home from school with a Sports note, half a sandwich and a bucketload of slut-shaming stereotypes. [...]
[...] Blue Milk, “Having a Conversation about Slut-Shaming with Your Primary Schooler” As a parent it is so good to see how other parents tackle these conversations. Cos believe [...]
Lol. I can’t even imagine what this would be like.. I have yet to venture into parenthood, but it is amazing what kids are exposed to nowadays… I don’t know if I would approach it the same way, but it is a very interesting point of view… Thanks for sharing!