Every evening when I put Cormac to bed I have a little smirk on my face thinking about the doomsayers who warn against co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding. Because Cormac is their nightmare. He bops into the room and climbs on to Bill’s and my king-size bed. No wait, sometimes he turns the TV on for me first, before climbing into bed. (What? Sometimes I like to watch 7.30 Report while I put him to sleep). Then he scoots up the bed and flops on to my pillow grinning his mad little head off.
Every now and then he likes to have a little sip of water before he has his breastfeed. (I don’t know why he needs a drink before a drink, he’s a toddler). So, on those evenings he slides across the bed to my bedside table, has a sip from his drink, says Ahhhh in a very self-satisfied way, places his drink carefully back down on the bedside table (because he will be wanting another little sip from that drink at about 3 am and he doesn’t want to spill it before that) and then he flops back down on the pillow waiting for me. If there is light in the room while I am feeding him to sleep, say I am reading a book or watching 7.30 Report, then he likes to grab a story book from the bedside table and read that to himself while he breastfeeds. He looks like a man reading the newspaper in bed – serious and relaxed at the same time.
I think one of the reasons the doomsayers don’t like the idea of co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding is that they think your child will displace your partner somehow through the process. Well, Cormac does often sleep perpendicular to me, and Bill sometimes gives up on the king-size bed after that and spends the night camped in Lauca’s room on the spare bed (next thing you know Bill will be jealous of all Cormac’s boob action, oh wait, he is). Bill doesn’t give a toss about the bed-hopping (well, we both sorta do, but not in such a way as to need to do anything about it right now) – he has always been the guy at the party who slept in his jeans on the floor if there were no beds left. Bill is very not precious like that. I dig that about him, though I can’t for the life of me understand it. Sometimes I crawl into the little spare bed with him so I can whisper that I miss him in his ear, then he stirs and I go back to the king-size bed. I am precious like that. Lately Cormac has been having full toddler tantrums in the middle of the night because he objects to his status as night-weaned. When he gets annoyed enough with me he stomps off to Lauca’s room to find Bill and he crawls into the spare bed with him. Poor Bill, though I hear him tell Cormac how nice it is to see him. I stretch out in our king-size bed and think about the doomsayers until it gives me the giggles and I have to stop and go to sleep.
(Cormac is 23 months old).
As a first-time mama who is co-sleeping and breastfeeding a six-month-old, this is awesome and makes me happy and feel good about what I’m doing.
So thanks. It is awesome to get encouragement.
(Especially in the face of all the “If you don’t make him sleep in his own bed now, it’ll be harder later!” comments from well-meaning nosy people, including our pediatrician.)
Yeah, I got those comments all the time.
Stuff ‘em, you’re doing fine.
I think a lot of those types of comments come from people who only ever have sex in their bed and cannot comprehend how a loving couple can have a fulfilled sexlife with a child sleeping in their bed.
(Although I must admit, now that I have two teens and a tween, it does get a little harder to fudge the creativity factor outside the bedroom.)
I should also state that as teens and tweens, all three of my children are happily sleeping in their own beds. We still get the occasional, “Mum, Dad, I had a bad dream can I sleep with you” at 3am….(our 9yo has an overactive imagination. But he sure does give good cuddle.)
We have a four year old who was only ever allowed in the bed once the sun was up, because i believed the doomsayers in those days, most notably my well-meaning Mama.
Our two year old has a bit more big bed action, because we trusted ourselves more with the second child, but mostly he sleeps in his cot. Lately he has been getting in around 5am and snuggles back to sleep, and sometimes darling 4yrold sneaks in too. And I read what you wrote about feeding your son, and I think that sounds so damn good.
Sleeping altogether is the all time sweetest affection available on this earth. So nice to open one’s eyes to a round, cheeky face, and smooth palms on cheeks.
I finally have a sense of how quickly this gig passes by, soon these kids will be gangly and awkward, and i hope all these embraces sleep somewhere in their tacit cell memories, that they are loved as dear animals and precious as breath.
Fully waking day time cuddles just cannot compare. Even if the sky falls in, those littles legs across my chest have made sense of this life.
Rock on, co-sleepers, you’ve hit the jackpot.
Oh, I cope sleep with a babe who likes the ‘diagnonal starfish’ sleeping pose. I am so jealous of your king size bed all to yourself!
I hope ‘cope sleep’ wasn’t an accident on your part – I love that term having just seen it.
Feminist mom of a 23 month old co sleeping nursling wants details on the night weaning, please. Can’t for the life of me remember how I night weaned her older brother. Details please!
And yes to the morning snuggles, I will keep those as long as I can. Nothing makes me appreciate my kids more than the early morning light on their faces as they each wake up next to me and hug each other.
Sorry, forgot to reply.
We did it this way: father sleeps with toddler in usual bed, mother spends night in another room. Mother joins toddler and father just before dawn, which has become toddler’s new ‘morning feed’ time. Made sure father had a bottle of water for toddler to drink when he complained during the night, lots of cuddles, lots of putting a pillow over my head in the other room and telling myself that it would all be over soon. Did this for 3 nights I think and kind of trained toddler out of night feeding, though sometimes now that I am back in the bed with him he has managed to help himself before I have woken up so we have slipped a little in the night weaning achievement. He still complains a little in the night when I refuse him a feed, but he gives up fairly quickly. I think we’re doing ok.
@ Lisa – My then 18 month old wasn’t always co-sleeping but she was in our bed quite a bit. I night weaned her by sleeping on my side away from her and not letting her feed if she woke during the night. Her dad had to step up and comfort her the first few times and help her get back to sleep. It was hard when she cried but after a while she went back to sleep fairly easily and then started sleeping through most nights. She would insist on a feed as soon as she woke up, but that I could deal with. She is about to turn 5 so I may be forgetting some of the details though. Good luck.
Bunbun is sort of in her cot. Well, bed now, and in there sometimes. Most of the night, but she gets up early in the morning, toddles over to the bed, clambers over Wolfman and smuggles up for some boob. She’s just started doing the drinking water before boob thing as well – so odd.
But yeah, early morning snuggling is great.
That is so cute! It sounds like a really lovely arrangement.
I breastfeed and co-sleep with my two-year-old, and she has recently discovered how comfy it is to sleep perpendicular to me – she sleeps much better that way, no idea why.
I too get the nay sayers, but I’m convinced it’ll all be fine in the end if I go along with what she needs.
Oh, this gave me the giggles! Those silly doomsayers!
I just discovered your wonderful blog thanks to your guest post on PhD in Parenting, and having read that, and this, you have easily earned yourself a spot in my Reader.
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