get born is seeking honest portraits from parents, that is, photographs showing the crappy bits of parenting instead of just all the lovely bits we tend to record in photos. I have mixed feelings about the photographs of kids having meltdowns because those photos tend to make me feel a little sad, and almost intrusive looking at them, but I love these photos of tired, bored parents. Love them.
This project was, in part, inspired by this piece from Claire Bidwell Smith in The Huffington Post:
What I don’t take photos of is my husband and me bickering at 5 a.m. because our oldest has awoken from a nightmare and the baby is stirring and we’re both sleep-deprived and stretched too thin. I don’t take photos of the two of us taking turns bouncing a colicky infant around our living room at 9:30 p.m. for the sixth night in a row, after the toddler has finally gone to bed and we’re both exhausted. I don’t take photos of the bottles of wine I eye greedily throughout my day, hungry to take the edge off this stressful time in my life. I don’t display the envy I feel for my friends who don’t have kids, my friends who are enjoying summers at the beach and traveling to visit friends and family.
I also don’t take photos of my fleshy postpartum body that makes me turn away from the mirror every day, scolding myself for not sticking better to my diet. And I certainly don’t take pictures of our sorrowful bank account, the very one that leaves me crying in heaves once a month as we struggle to make rent and pay preschool dues. I can’t take pictures of how frustrated I feel to not be writing, to barely have time to respond to emails or to help friends with projects. I don’t know how to capture the anxiety I feel about how my husband and I will make it through our girls’ early years and survive happy and romantically attached. I can’t show you the moments in which I feel worried about my career, my future books or about when and how I’ll ever find time to write again.
Ohmygod, how much I like really honest conversations about parenting and long-term relationships and balancing work and family. In fact, I have a whole category on this blog dedicated to parenting meltdowns.
I agree about the kids-having-meltdowns photos, those can sometimes feel exploitative to me. I think that our kids can be easy targets when we’re asked to portray “what parenting is really like.” I’m much more moved when parents are willing to show themselves, particularly in less than savory moments–which is why I wanted this photo challenge to be sharing a parent portrait. GetBorners have already been sharing some great photos, and they make the relentless ups and downs of my days seem less dramatic and almost universal.
I’ll have to find the photo of ‘spot the baby in the mess on the floor’. I thought I blogged it but can’t find it at the moment.
For me, it is not so much the kids themselves but feeling that my life is being engulfed in all their crap. Also having to manage all the pressures and expectations that are upon them (mine are 9 and 13yo now so it is things like dealing with ridiculous year 4 homework assignments after a hard day in the office and that type of thing).
I have been a Mother for 7 weeks and I already feel overwhelmingly guilty for not finding the time to write. This very sentence has taken a ridiculously long time to type with one hand seeing as how my Son refuses to be put down and alerts me to this new fact of life by screaming so loud the neighbors call to make sure everything is alright. I fear that his cries will drown out the voice in my head that inspires me to write and create.
that voice is still there, it will bubble up when you have a little more space and time.
thepaisleypickle, you are in the THROES of what many mothers find the hardest time of all! The newborn stage, when all your confidence and knowledge lie ahead. You WILL write again. You WILL still be “you.” Keep reaching out and reading blogs like this one, and try to hang in there.
The only thing I can say is, TRY to get enough to eat, and try to get at least adequate sleep. “Enough” sleep is still probably a fantasy, alas.
I have felt the same and like Rosa says the voice will bubble up again, but I also found striking that everything transformed. I feel I am more productive and more efficient after experiencing these crazy initial stress months with newborns and I can really appreciate my time, which I think I took for granted before. I think blue milks post have helped
me through the valley and to the “sane” side of things. Hang on in there!
you know what made me feel good the other day- because it made me feel normal- I saw a good friend of mine snap at her child, it wasn’t major, it wasn’t in anyway abusive or horrible and the moment passed very quickly but it just made me feel like it was all ok. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that gets cranky.
Ha ha ha ha haaaa … no. You’re not! Thank you for writing this!
I hear you, sister!!!
I like taking pictures of my kids when they are crying (which I almost never do, since I’m busy, you know, comforting them). I find their crying faces adorable, beautiful even. Crying is part of what they do, their little baby/toddler lives, just like building a tower of blocks or coloring or any of the other five thousand activities I also photograph. For me, it’s about recording the spectrum of their lives and their little faces.
We have some hilarious pictures of attempts at taking a family portrait, which I love. One is a series where you can see me becoming increasing irate as the children wander off, and my husband starts laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing is. I thought about using that as our Christmas card, I thought that would be hilarious (the whole 4 picture series).
I agree, I love the crabby pictures. One of my favorites is my son at 18 months old, crying and pointing to his hand. He is sad because he only has one butterfly tattoo, and the other hand has none. It’s wonderful
I wish I’d stopped and taken some pictures when my son was still in the sad clown face/square mouth crying stage. I didn’t realize it would end!
I know, my 3 year old does this and it is gorgeous!
We actually include a picture like that in our Christmas card montage one year- of us trying to keep the baby from crawling off. Our older kid, then about 2.5 years old was standing there smiling, and my husband is smiling, and I’m reaching for the baby who was crawling away, with only her little legs visible. It is one of my favorites!
ooooo. that series sounds amazing. if you’d ever be inspired to share it as part of the honest photo challenge, let me know! and i love what you say about the crying also. it is just one thing on the spectrum.
Ahh, this is so great! Claire and I used to be neighbors, and I’ve been reading your blog for awhile, so it was great to see her quoted here. Yay!
Not sure if this is cheating or not:
I was in hospital for reasons unrelated to parenting. But parenting while in hospital is pretty sucky. It was mostly a game of “no, you can’t twiddle the cannula.” And family illness for us are the worst times for sure.
Image embedding got stripped, no surprises there.
The link is http://www.flickr.com/photos/aenigmates/8014166960/