My latest article is up at Daily Life and also Essential Baby:
By sharing private and difficult moments as mothers we create a more complete picture of the reality of motherhood – it ultimately frees us all. The ugly complaints, if told wisely, can be witness to the stamina of this extraordinary relationship. But the fear in us in disclosing is palpable – that we might be frauds and that our secret moments exclude us from being good mothers. For an instant, you are unsettlingly close to the truly dysfunctional mother, and you see the dangerously fragile state that she must teeter in, and how damaging she is to her children.
This was so well expressed.
I still remember how enraged I would feel, when I had three small children at me all day and my husband would call to say the he would be home late.
So beautifully said. I feel this.
Thank you.
Beautifully expressing the daily (for me) struggle of motherhood. So often, you articulate thoughts and musings I have been unable to convey, even to myself, in an intelligent way. Thank you.
i love your words…. i just love your words x
Reblogged this on Amelia Carson and commented:
This is so apt. It under writes so much of my approach to expressing motherhood and i bet it resonates with so so many mothers xxxx
Beautiful article! I also think complaining about motherhood is critical because not only does it ease our isolation, it awakens our compassion. It’s a weird dichotomy, because our own misery doesn’t always make us charitable to other parents. But when we talk more openly about our struggles, we see that those around us are full of the same pain, anger, loneliness, fragility, that they are coping the best they can (sometimes not well) and there are ways we can help each other. That moments when you’re talking to someone in real life and you realize that the other understands exactly what you’re talking about – it’s a beautiful thing. I have struggled a lot lately, and I have learned so much.
Fantastic article. I was completely taken in by the the myth of motherhood before I had children – I do think we (as a society) need more to be more realistic about (and appreciative of) just how demanding this role is.
Your article is brilliant – sharp and sensitive. I don’t have children, but am planning on having them. I am terrified that I will snap under the demands, particularly the demand for attention, as I am a total introvert who needs quiet time and space. One of the few things that seems like it would make the demands tolerable is others’ acknowledgment that I’m not crazy, their listening ears and understanding.
I feel the same way Notes to self and my partner worries about it even more than I do… what happens when introverts have kids?! Helen thank you for your comments. the good enough parent lol!
The process of having a baby is the cleaving of yourself in two.
That is absolutely beautiful. Thank for you laying out exactly what I’ve been trying to say for four years, too enraged to express.
the comments here have been as thoughtful and articulate as the original post x
There’s so much truth here… I’m just not even sure what to say. In my deepest friendships, we are able to talk our way into some of this stuff, but even then we pull back and qualify. Would it be okay to link to your article from my blog? I’d like to talk about why work like yours is so illuminating, so difficult, and so necessary. One of the things I really like about this piece is the way that it opens up a conversation — the way that as women we are invited to respond, the way that even if I’m a bit short of coherent words, this piece won’t let me go until I’ve written back.
“Notes to Self” – Just a heads up that I am an introvert who needs quiet time and space and have nearly survived having two. “Nearly survived” = one is university age and the other is 15. So on the basis of my own experience I have every confidence in you!
I think parents bring different things to the party and us introverts give the kids space to be themselves. We are more the Good Enough Parent than tiger mums and I kind of like that. YMMV.
Reblogged this on Berlin Domestic and commented:
This is an exceptional piece if writing about motherhood and communicating.
Thank you Blue Milk.
Reblogged this on afterninemonths and commented:
An interesting article…
Thank you.
[...] Source: http://bluemilk.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/my-latest-article-is-about-the-subversive-art-of-complainin… [...]
I find peoples reactions to my parental bitching is completely different now that my oldest is 13. When I commiserate about my adolescent daughter with parents of her peers, the reaction is sympathy and empathy. If I do the same sort of bitching about my 7 year-old to his peer’s parents..the reaction is much different. For some reason children have a different value depending on their age and sex. Why is complaining about a teenage girl
more acceptable than complaining about a 7 year-old boy?. Many interesting things at play here…
I try to write about my ugly truths too, it’s like walking a tightrope at times but I think it’s important. Thank you for such a wonderful piece.
[...] blue milk on complaining: [...]
Honestly, your honest writing about the truths of motherhood helped to lessen the shock for me. (ok, well only slightly, because reading about it and living it are very different. But still many times I thought, ‘so this is what they mean when they say relentless’.) i felt more prepared than I would have otherwise, so thank you.