Later, when her 12-year-old son asks her, “Why do girls want to dress like sluts?” Fondas replies with a rant against pop culture: “Girls see it everywhere: on TV, in stores, magazines, movies, online. That’s why they think it’s the definition of ‘pretty’!” Her son is unconvinced..
.. I can’t help thinking that a much better answer to the question, “Why do girls want to dress like sluts?” is “What’s so bad about being a slut?” Girls who play up their sexuality via their clothing choices—and girls who explore their sexuality with more than one partner—are people, too; putting on a tube top does not mean forfeiting one’s dignity. Fondas’ approach, though obviously well-intentioned, plays into the notion that a woman’s appearance is of paramount importance. And I fear her answer to her son’s question conveys the message that it’s OK to pity or disrespect girls who dress a certain way, since, according to her worldview, they’re just helpless dupes. But if we really want to prevent girls from being victimized, perhaps we should teach boys to spend less time judging what girls wear and more time listening to what girls say.
OMG yes to this!
From “Why do teenage girls dress like sluts? Because they’re teenagers” in Slate by L. V. Anderson. (My use of bold in the above). (Because what if in response to sexual assault we limited men’s freedom the way we limit women’s freedom?)
My 15 year old son has opinions about what his 14 year old sister is wearing – shorts too short, strapless dresses, heels too high (that last one I agree with, but she’s very short, I understand the desire for height), he’s far more critical of her clothing than either me or my husband are. I keep finding myself lecturing him about it being none of his business to police her or anyone’s appearance. It’s very disconcerting.
My own brother (2 years my elder) had a lot of opinions about how I ought to present my body to the world, too, when I was a teenager. I don’t think he meant badly, but at the time I very much wanted to live up to those expectations (his view was sort of a window into what older boys / young men would expect of me, how they would view me), and in retrospect it was Not Helpful. At All. What an interesting brotherly impulse.
I don’t have a daughter (nor was I ever one myself), but I was surprised not to see the expanation that first came to my mind: experimentation.
When I was a young kid, life was about learning the ropes, but when I got to be around 16 or so (late bloomer, and all), I started trying out ways of dressing, ways of interacting, etc. I did all kinds of things, spouted all kinds of ideas, and had (and tried to live) all kinds of philosophies, most of which make me cringe a bit to think about now. I think I was, without realizing it, trying to figure out what fit me best. (Actually, I think I still am.) Fortunately, I think most people just shrugged and wrote it off to my youth. (Now that I’m near retirement age, I guess they write it off to senility
)
So, perhaps in ignorance, I figure that if a teenaged girl dresses in a “slutty” way (whatever that is), maybe she’s just trying to see what it feels like to dress that way. And maybe having people make assumptions about whether or how often she has sex based just on what she wears is as annoying to her as if someone were to assume you were voting for party X because you had a blue shirt that day.
I guess I wish people, grown-ups especially, would just cut kids some slack. I wish they wouldn’t assume that everything a teenager does or says is a sure sign of whether they’re going to Heaven or Hell. Or that they even understand what a teenager (or twenty-something) means by what they do or say. I’ve spent time with teens and young adults, and my experience is that green hair, tatoos, “slutty” or torn clothing (or pants down around the knees) say absolutely _nothing_ about who or what they are.
Totally agree!
What an interesting post. I like your take on it too. I also would want to engage the boy more and ask him what does “slut” mean? Also, I’d ask, “Why do you think girls dress like sluts?” Kids need to be encouraged to be more specific. It is unfortunate that certain items of clothing or they way certain clothes are worn can make the person wearing them something they may not be trying to be. http://venusblogs.com/the-great-boob-embrace/
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