This is a great, great piece from Cristy in Hanoi, formally of Two Peas No Pod about the curious logic behind men telling women to be discreet about feeding their babies.
Despite his absurd and highly offensive accusations that women deliberately make a public spectacle of themselves by “flopping their boob” out in public, Sharwood, like Koch, never actually dares to articulate why us breastfeeding mothers need to “think of the rest of [them].”What is it about witnessing a breastfeeding pair that is so offensive to these people that it needs to be keep out of their sight?What I think it is interesting is that Sharwood is very clear that this is not about the so-called “male gaze.” He is not offended because he views these breastfeeding breasts as sexual objects. In fact, as he proudly states several times in the opening paragraphs to his ‘article,’ he loves ogling at sexualised breasts. They are great. (Phwoar yeah, bring it on baby.) No, it would appear that the issue is precisely the opposite; these breastfeeding breasts that are apparently being thrust in his face (or, as he charmingly describes, flopped on to the dinner table) are not available to the male gaze. They are private breasts and shouldn’t be out in public.It was here for me that this whole debate took on a disturbing level of clarity. You see, according to Sharwood (and his ilk), mothering is an ‘intimate’ and ‘private’ activity that should not be taking place in the public sphere. If somehow it does stray into that public sphere then it really ought to be careful not to become “a public spectacle.” This means that if for some reason a mother of young children does have to leave the house (which, by implication, is a transgresssive act in itself), then she should take every measure to ensure that her ‘private, intimate’ work of mothering young children does not take up public space, because it does not belong.
I have written a LOT about breastfeeding as a feminist issue previously and I’ve covered similar ground to this but I love the specific angle Cristy is taking in exploring the policing of women’s bodies in this post of hers.
I wonder if this policing of women’s bodies also has something to do with not wanting the women to resemble women of colour in national geographic type photographs – breastfeeding their babies with lots of skin exposed.
All this talk about doing things “discreetly, having some class” etc etc smacks a bit of white middle class privilege.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m reading too much into it.
I am confused as to how this is about white middle class privilege. For me this issue is a real leveller. Public breastfeeding affects all women regardless of class or privilege, in my experience at least. Babies know no class boundaries – if they are hungry and they hungry regardless of where they are or the class of the mother feeding them!
Yeah the more I think about it, the harder it gets for me to explain. White middle class privilege is definitely not the right way to explain why I feel so off about it. Sorry about that. I don’t know – it just comes across to me as “be classy, not like those other not so classy women who breastfeed in public.”
I was actually wondering if a black, poor woman might be judged more harshly for breastfeeding in public and you might be right. The “classy” comment is so, so awful though.
Oh no, I think you’re right that this is a component of that and there is a sense of deep discomfort about women doing something viewed as primitive and animalistic in breastfeeding.
But obviously there is a class issue working in the opposite direction, too, where bottle-feeders are perceived as ‘uneducated’ for not ‘choosing’ breastfeeding.
Agree with this too. And, I must admit, I have been guilty of that very judgment in some parts of where I live.
Funnily enough I was out today and conscious of my breastfeeding. I instantly scolded myself as I was at the Collingwood Children’s Farm, surrounded by chickens, for Goodness’ sake. Of all the places… anyway. I looked at the other mums bottle feeding and assumed that they were organised enough to pump! That’s how much I imagine breastfeeding to be the norm!
that is beautiful and is really striking a chord with me. You give us all the best links, thank you!
If only, if only I could breastfeed when and where I wanted! Unfortunately, it was my baby’s hunger making the choices. And discretion, for her, was simply not an option. Just not a physical possibility. I wish someone had told me that not every baby will feed under a sheet. . . or that I’d figured it out myself.
Yep, leaving the house is a crime. And, for me, a trauma.
Louise Curtis
PS This blog made me believe in my right to leave the house, and I’m so grateful.
That’s excellent to read Louise (your second comment that is. I’m so sorry to hear that leaving the house has been such a trauma for you).
[...] are some other issues troubling me about this whole debate, and thanks to a link shared by Blue Milk (who blogs a lot about breastfeeding and feminism), I think I now know why I have been so pissed [...]
I’ve posted elsewhere about how I agree with the point of the article yet I don’t see this as being entirely the case where female commenters have an issue with public breastfeeding. But I might be missing something. I get how women internalise patriarchal ideas and misogyny, and maybe this is part of that, but some of the vitriolic comments from women, especially other breastfeeding mothers (!), really confuse (and dishearten) me. I said that I think the public sphere isn’t so much male as it is childless. The greatest transgression I can think of would be giving birth in public (and I know a few people who have!)
Interesting comment. Funnily enough, the most hostility I have experienced about public breastfeeding was from a childless 30-something woman (a friend actually). Generally men have been great especially the train conductors for some reason!
The comments that really annoy me are along the lines of ‘other people shouldn’t have to look at that’ as if there is a sudden plague of sore necks that mean people can’t look away and are forced to look at nursing mothers. I have to see things that I don’t like when I go out of the house, ironically enough usually to escape looking at things I don’t want to look at – like the large amount of housework needing to be done. If everyone else out in the world has to deal with unpleasant things they’d rather not look at why are people who object to breastfeeding mothers exempt?
Personally I don’t enjoy seeing the undies band above the waistband thing – don’t they realise that when your undies were ‘some famous brand I don’t recall’ it was about showing off how expensive your undies were, not the fact that you were wearing Bonds? I would far rather see a baby feeding than somone’s choice of underwear brand. So I use my neck muscles and turn my head. Maybe they should try that?
There are a lot of contradictions here that I can’t begin to wrap my head around… That breasts are offensive because they are sexual, and then that breasts are offensive because they are not sexual. Women are disdained for being too sexy as well as not sexy enough. Which adds up to women being generally disdained. Ugh. Seems like, breasts are generally offensive unless they exclusively occupy the private sphere. The suggestion to breastfeed discreetly or “with class” is really a message to breast-owners (women) to stay home. And from a practical perspective, since men make more money than women and since women more frequently do unpaid care work, this means that women should restrict themselves to the domain their (presumably male) partner controls. This is a classic divide and conquer strategy – when women are separated from one another they can’t organize a cohesive group response. And group response (collective action) is what is needed. Action on the level of individuals (consciousness raising, pursuing one’s dreams and economic independence) is necessary but insufficient. This is plenty theorizing out of me for one day.
This article makes me think about all the ways that I mother my small kids differently in public. Yesterday I was trying to coax my 3 yr. old out of the toy aisle in my small town hardware store, thinking about how much more s***t I take from her in public, because I am trying so hard not to be the harping nagging mother figure, and also not to annoy people with my kids. My voice just sounded so loud when I finally insisted that she come with me, and threatened her with a time out. And I could feel the other people there averting their eyes. I don’t think the problem is just breastfeeding in public, but mothering in public at all. Breastfeeding is just a really tangible act of motherhood, and an easy way to oppose public mothering in general.
I couldn’t agree more with your last statement, Angela. I reckon you’ve got it in one!