Here’s Buffalo Mama (who writes anonymously but who has a significant feminist mothering and writing pedigree) discussing computer gaming and unschooling, but it has broader relevance for the rest of us who also regularly find ourselves in a negotiation loop with our kids over the limits of their gaming.
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The rule here, though I doubt it will keep working into the teenage years or that it would work for all kids, is that you have to set the timer for ten minutes. If you do the timer dance (wiggling your bottom and shuffling your feet) you get an extra minute. When your ten minutes is up you have to leave the room, but you’re allowed to go back in and have another ten minutes, then you’re done. Before the purchase of the timer there were a lot of really annoying conversations, but for our kid the neutrality of the timer seems to work better than “Mum/Dad said only ten minutes” and it has the convenience of making a beeping noise to attract the attention of parents who know it’s time to start parenting again.
My problems very similar to the bloggers and I learned long ago to get kids doing the stuff they don’t love first. What I struggle with ATM are requests for screen time midweek (when we generally have a blanket ban), especially as he says ‘but all my friends get to!’ So now I have some curriculum related maths books that I have the kids do to earn more screen time on occasion. It’s working ok.
The other thing is I got my son a new watch for his birthday which has timers and alarms. No more arguments about how long 30 mins is!