1. Worrying that she is sick, getting sick, and will get sick. (I am one of those paranoid mothers who won’t socialise with my friends while their babies are sick).
2. Dressing her and tears and tantrum during it (including putting on creams).
3. Trying to night wean – her sobs and calls for ‘mama’ (why did she have to get recognisable words now?)
4. Feeling anxious about when she will next wake.
5. Trying to entertain her when she is grizzly.
6. Worrying about people getting offended when she cries at them. Stranger anxiety with abundance.
7. Her tears every time I leave the room – can’t I go to the toilet for fucksake?
8. Trying to keep her entertained for the longest half hour on the planet, the last 30 minutes before bathtime.
9. When I accidentally hurt her – eg. bumping her head or pinching her finger.
10. Her waking after a 40 minute sleep cycle, when she seems to need more sleep. How much? How do I know she wants more? Why must she take 20 minutes to put to sleep when she only sleeps for 10 more minutes?
And… When she wakes continually in the night and I wrestle with wanting more sleep but not wanting to feed her but knowing this is the fastest solution and then feeding her and feeling like a loser for reinforcing a bad pattern that will be difficult to break. When she bites me! The tedium of cleaning her up after a meal.