Hey it’s a feminist blog, you knew it was just a matter of time before I got all second-wave-y. I’m becoming increasingly convinced that it is worth the effort to teach my child the correct terminology for female genitals. The more I read about it the less I can justify ‘vagina’. That family doctor is going to seriously die. Vulva, here we come.
I’ve now interviewed hundreds of mostly white, middle-class parents and the vast majority misused the word vagina to refer to “everything girls have.” Many educated parents reported they had never heard the word vulva. And the many parents who were knowledgeable about the correct words gave the most imaginative reasons for not using them: “Telling my daughter about her clitoris is like telling her to go masturbate.” “Vulva is a medical term, and I don’t want to burden her with words that her friends don’t know.” “Vulva and clitoris are technical terms” (this one from parents who taught their young daughter about ovaries and fallopian tubes).
Misuse creates shame
Surely we need to look beyond such excuses and get beyond our discomfort with female anatomy and sexuality. The persistent misuse of the word “vagina” for everything “down there” impairs the girl’s capacity to develop an accurate and differentiated representation or “map” of her internal and external genitals. The fact that the girl’s own exploration of her genitals is not corroborated by accurate language also creates body shame and anxiety about sexuality.
Still not quite ready for vulva pride? Try this. She’s every part of wonderful.
Not ready for any of this sudden rush of vulva talk? Be glad I didn’t do the “C is for…” post and just back away slowly, try this post instead.
Interesting post. You know, there are so many terms that I don’t even know how to say in Spanish (we speak in Spanish at home). Thanks for the inspiration to look them up. My daughter is only three years old, but she has already asked several times for a mirror so she can see her external “map,” and I’ve not doubted our decision to go ahead and show her. My husband and I decided that it would be counterintuitive to prohibit her from seeing her own body and since she needed a mirror to do it, we helped her.
As the mother of a son, it’s amazing how freely everyone will talk about how little boys are fascinated with their bits. Every time the nappy comes off baby and toddler boys check that everything is still there! Talking about this is totally acceptable over a family lunch with Nanna. Little girls discovering their clitoris is however, completely shameful. Ghastly hypocrisy. But I still get uncomfortable at the idea of discussing girls body parts because I’m as much a part of my culture as everyone else.
Guilty as charged. But I disagree that misuse creates shame. I use the vagina confidently and so my girls. I think that’s the important thing. I was pretty old when I learned all of the technical terms for my genitals and I never felt ashamed, before or after.
Ha ha. I meant to say I use the WORD vagina confidently. Although I do the other thing, too. 😉
For some reason I don’t like the “technical” words for almost anything. No good reason. I tend to refer to my own “boobs”. My boys’ bits are called willies. I have often lamented the lack of euphemisms for girls’ bits. I cannot defend this position, nor explain it. But I am going to have to deal with it when my daughter is old enough to want to know.
And the intense hypocrisy at my dis’ing people who don’t say “toilet” or “dead” is also clearly apparent to me. Weird. Maybe this is one of those things I need to work on. Thanks for the inspiration. 🙂
No choice on our part. At 19 months, ours picked up the terms “vulva” and “labia” by eavesdropping on a diaper rash discussion I had with her babysitter.
[…] It is vulva, vulva, vulva here in this household, ever since I made the recent decision to call female anatomy by its correct terms. Gone is the simplistic and incorrect term ’vagina’ for every bit of down there, from […]
I’m so happy to see this discussion going on. I’ve always found it very odd that people use the word “vagina” for things that obviously aren’t vaginas. It strikes me as a weird kind of euphemism, as if people were in such a rush to to get straight to the heart of the matter that embarrasses them that they sweep aside reality.
Even authors such as Ariel Levy (“Female chauvinist pigs”, all about what female sexuality means in western culture) use “vagina” to refer to anything near a woman’s genitals. Levy talks about “waxed vaginas” and says “Paris Hilton lifted up her dress to expose her vagina”. Oh no she didn’t!
What’s wrong with “genitals”, “crotch” and “labia” (majora and minora)?. Oh, and vulva, of course.
I was so pleased to come happen upon this post while reading the blog. I’m a veterinarian by training, and we taught our 4-year-old boy from the beginning that, on the outside, boys have a penis and girls have a vulva. It seemed utterly nonsensical to refer to girls having a vagina as their visible part.
[…] just-turned three year old daughter and I were talking today. Lauca: My vulva is poisonous. Me: […]
[…] for the back part. Now that I’ve thought about it more and now that she’s older, I’ve decided to teach her more words like vulva. Medical terms often don’t need translation since they are derived from Latin; only the […]
Wow. Horrified that I hadnt made this connection. Here I was being so smug about using the word vagina. Right, vulva from now on.
On another matter, at what point do you address the `dont spread your legs in public` and how do you do it without creating shame. Our 4 year old still sits with her legs apart, dress hiked up and sometimes hand in her pants. So far we have said nothing, but I dont like the looks that she is starting to get in restuarants etc. Some offended, some creepily focused. Perhaps say nothing until she notices. I distinctly remember my father telling me to close my legs. Such shame. How to avoid whilst also helping her accomodate certain norms.
If you ever needed to be convinced that the vulva was sacred, check out this new poster:
http://www.suppressedhistories.net/sacravulva.html
It’s global! This is different from the pornified view of women’s bodies…
Cunctipotence! an old word that means “all-powerful” (from Latin conjunctus + potencia, power joined together) but some modern women are repurposing the word to mean Yoni Power.
Max Dashu, (female) designer
[…] remember being with a group of feminist friends talking about the names we use for our vulvas. (Yes, such conversations really do happen among feminists, we’re that cliché). A radical […]