Here is Disney feeling all warm and fuzzy about themselves – look we finally made a black princess! Of course her features are pretty similar to the white Disney princesses (equal opportunity unrealistic depictions of female beauty) and she gets to be sexually harassed by a frog. But the nicest bit is that she has a wise old black man toothless old bum firefly watching over her, cos she’s black, you know. Disney has always had a special talent for racism.
Every feminist parent draws the line somewhere, and rolls over like a capitulating dog to sexism and mindless consumerism elsewhere. So I’m not judging you parents (I swear). As with Bratz dolls, I’ve been attempting to draw the line at Disney princesses, but they’re a force more powerful than me. Disney princesses are so contraband in our house that they’ve actually become a rather seductive taboo for our three year old daughter. How she loves to point out Disney princesses everywhere (especially when we’re visiting), and how she loves to dabble in a bit of the Disney princess love that dare not speak its name right in front of my exasperated self. I’ve decided to follow this advice with it, so we have a Disney princess happy hopper currently residing in the play room. A, it was second hand so none of my money went directly to Disney and, B, she is doing something energetic and ungainly with her princess product.
My plan to deal with this stuff is to mercilessly mock Disney princesses and Barbie dolls and other things. I will not ban them (OK, maybe I will ban Bratz dolls), I will humiliate them instead. I am making the decision that the damage this will inflict on my kids is less than the damage that they will inflict on them. Maybe one day I will consider whether this is really a valid argument.
For me, there is no avoidance of the Princesses. Instead, I tell my daughter that Cinderella, Snow White, etc. didn’t have any real fun. They let the boys have the adventure. Instead I try to teach her self determination and we focus on Belle (who loves to read), and Ariel (who helps save the prince) to an extent. I always tell her not to settle for being a princess, that she should be in control. Every time she plays dress up and says “Look I’m a princess!” I tell her “No, don’t settle for that. You’re the queen. You rule”. The lesson must have sunk in somewhere because her grandfather commented on how she was as “pretty as a princess” one day and she she glared at him and said, “No, I’m the queen”. I was so proud. Pocahontas and Anastasia are absolutely utterly banned in our house. This is the blog I wrote on this very topic: http://moxiemamakc.blogspot.com/2008/06/fin-deisney.html
Ariane- Clever, but befor eyou jump in too eagerly, read that NYT article that blue milk has linked to — there is a potential pitfall w/ that approach.
dd talks about princess a lot and I always work to shape the narrative — what magic powers does she have? Is she a good leader? Is she going to beat the bad guys? etc. But it’s a little easier for me to do this than for others since dd hasn’t ever seen the films…
Thank you for these comments, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate hearing how other mothers are handling these kinds of issues. I love learning from you all.
Ariane – I agree with the comment mom added. My very close very feminist friend more or less tried a similar approach with her daughter until she started to find that her daughter thought all ‘girly’ things were bad and ‘boy’ things were superior. This was encouraged by her hero-worshipping of her older brother. This gender stuff is sooooo tricky, no?
Having said all that, my standard line with my daughter is that I don’t like Disney princesses because they don’t do any of the fun stuff. So I’m pretty much ridiculing them too, and my daughter is at an age where she is very into liking the same things I like and disapproving of the same things I disapprove of. Just recently I’ve been telling her that it is ok for her to have her own opinions, to like some things that Mummy doesn’t.
MoxieMama – I just read your link, thanks for that, I loved it. Having reminded myself via your post of all the horrible aspects of Disney princesses I’m having even more trouble embracing any of them. I’ve always particularly disliked Ariel because she gives up her voice for a man. Ugh.
We’re taking the homeopathic approach — small, cheap, used inoculations of Disney princesses, in the hopes that she’ll crave them a bit less. But I’ve also been comforted by the extent to which my older daughter (now almost 5) simply plucks the Disney princesses out of Disney’s narratives and turns them into active, powerful agents in her own. I let her know which I prefer (Mulan and Belle over Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, say) and why I think that princesses in general are pretty silly (better to earn your wealth than inherit it), but I do my best to let her have her own choices about these things.
We haven’t yet had to deal with Bratz or, for that matter, Hannah Montana. I might well draw the line there, though.
We had a conversation just the other day (partner and I) about this issue – we’re thinking about whether or not to just keel over and buy a bratz before they develop the deeper mystique of the unobtainable. I find it really hard to articulate my dislike of Bratz to the girls, they don’t really understand words like ‘sexual objectification’. It’s easier I think to unpick or rewrite the princesses – because they come with a narrative. The narrative that the girls superimpose on Bratz is not clear to me yet, I suspect there is no narrative for F, she is pure object. I am not sure how she would play with her, she is not at all interested in brushing hair or dressing dolls (phew). I hovered over some Bratz in the op shop the other day, but couldn’t quite go there. Yet.
I’m not that fussed about Disney princesses, because they’re not that into them (yet – I suspect Una might go there, she’s very into Cinderella after going to a Oz Opera performance of the story). Their main experience of fairytales is though me telling them stories, usually off the top of my head though we have some fairytale books as well. I stay fairly true to the traditional tale (and try to include the grisly bits when I can, like the stepsisters chopping off their toes to fit the glass slipper). I think it’s important they learn the full imagery and have access to the darker symbolic drives in the narrative. I’d rather they subverted the stories themselves as they see the need, than that I did for them so I rarely change the story to suit my politics. I think just equipping them with the ability to tell stories is empowering, then they really are the active force.
Oh came back to say that Martin and I watched Enchanted the other evening and it is utterly banned from our house. Conflating Cinderella with Sex and the City, and only the most watered down, uninspiring versions of both. Ick.
[…] sister’s lemonade stand. I took special delight in her masked mania because I had just read Blue Milk’s post on Disney princesses, and by following her links and some of the discussions, had gone on a whirlwind tour of the […]
When my daughter was three she started getting into the ‘little princess’ after watching it on dvd. Once I realised that this princess thing was about to head in a direction that I may not like I started encouraging her into Care bears dvds instead. Which worked a treat, and now she’s four and half with a passing interest in princesses and an obsession with care bears, which I can handle as her brother (2) loves care bears too and each of them go to bed with their respectives bears and watch the old (80’s) movies together. Its nice, and something that they can share, where the princess thing isn’t so shareable (in that it sails over my son’s head).
My husband has told my daughter that Bratz are ‘yucky’ and she agrees – ‘look daddy there’s those yucky dolls’ but now one of her friends who used to share her care bear fetish is into Barbie and my daughter is talking about Barbie. I’ve scouted the shops and there are some kinda tame looking Barbie’s out there, and some with horses, so if she pressures me too much I know which one I can cope with but Bratz and my scene dolls are definately off limits (and I’ve blogged on how hideous I find them http://raedical.wordpress.com/2008/07/20/bratz-versus-my-scene/ ). Waaay to sexual for a four year old, IMHO.
I take your point, blue milk, but there isn’t much risk of that, I have two older boys, for whom I spend my life ridiculing boys who think pink is only for girls. My eldest son’s favourite colour is still pink, after 6 months of school. He dresses up as a fairy sometimes. The mocking needs to be specific – pathetic, ornamental girls are deserving of being mocked – not wearing girly dresses. I like girly dresses. Having both genders in kids, means I find myself attacking stereotypes from every direction.
I started down this path from a boy child’s perspective, trying to ensure that they don’t feel constrained to do only manly men things. So by default, I am talking up girly things. I mock testosterone laden, one dimensional action heroes too. We had a ball with Beowulf… 🙂
Big blatant stereotypes don’t annoy me that much, they are a source of amusement, so long as I teach my kids to appreciate them as such.
“sexually harassed by a frog” Hahaha. Get a sense of proportion. I bet you think the sun is infringing on your rights by rising without permission as well.
o – you are an embarrassment to trolls everywhere, what kind of retort is that?
[…] as with any big money-maker, the Princess movement has many enemies. Bloggers cite racism, traditional gender roles, and unrealistic expectations as some of their reasons for hating Disney […]
I sincerely hope you’ve not deprived your daughter of classic animation because of your opinion on princesses. I was never instructed on Disney princesses and I had (and still have at college age – Belle and Aurora vie for dominance dangling with my house keys) all the movies. I’m getting a degree, and my mom/dad never felt the need to restrict pink or princess products in case they turned me into a bimbo. In fact, I’m planning a career in the animation industry, so you could say Princesses helped me choose a career, not decide against one.
MoxieMamaKC actually has a point. Instead of playing Nazi parent, just discuss valid points.
However if you keep pointing out there’s something wrong with Princesses, your child will detect that wrong thing and form their own opinions about it. Kids don’t find it on their own; so just let them watch the movies and don’t point out that there’s anything you dislike about the characters. They can form their own opinions about that when they’re older. As that one article says ‘Sometimes a princess is just a princess’. Adult topics such as feminism and racism bypass children until a certain age – perhaps 11 or 12 – so there is no need to discuss feminism with your 6 – year – old. She’ll just start finding nonexistent ‘bad things’ in ordinary content.
If the only influence your kid has is movies, then I’m afraid there’s more problems than just stereotyping or damsel – in – distress princesses. I was over the Bratz dolls age when they came out so no comment there. But they are an ugly, bug – eyed bunch. 🙂
P.S. This post was not meant to point fingers at anyone; it was a general comment.
“This post was not meant to point fingers at anyone” […] you NAZI YOU!
Cheers, Iris, nothing like an auto-Godwin opener to raise a giggle.
Thanks for the troll patrol.
Iris – I should be so lucky that I could “deprive my daughter of Disney animation”.
I didn’t mean to troll, it’s just my opinion.
I wasn’t intending to mock anyone’s parenting skills, and I’m sorry if it came across like that because it’s not what I wanted. I just simply do not agree with you. You have your opinion, I have mine. If you choose not to let your kids watch Disney movies, then that is your right, I just think there’s better ways of approaching your concerns.
“o” had a different opinion too but as soon as someone disagrees people act like they’re being attacked. Really, no – one wants an internet battle, we just want to add our 2 cents.
When I said it wasn’t meant to point fingers at anyone I was being honest; I think it’s generally not the right approach but it’s not my place to criticise other people’s parenting. So if I’ve offended anyone, I sincerely apologise.
Iris, I like hearing different opinions and am quite happy with those that differ from mine being expressed here, so if you had just dropped the “nazi parent” name-calling and the lecturing tone then your comment wouldn’t have attracted a retort.
Your comment did come across as “mocking people’s parenting skills” but apology is accepted, thank you.
http://www.princessinreality.com
You are all nuts Banning Disney princesses? Telling your daughters that the boys had the adventures. You are, it seems, bringing them up to hate men! You don’t seem to understand that those stories teach girls that they can be the star, that they can stand up for themselves against someone oppressing them. Do you womEn not understand that?!
By the way I’m a man
And I agree with Iris