Here is a first. The first pro-feminist father to tackle (and adapt) my 10 questions of feminist motherhood fatherhood. Jeremy Adam Smith also blogs at Daddy Dialectic. His response is fascinating. Go here to read it. (Jeremy is the same writer I plugged in a previous post about his writing on combining masculinity with feminism). In his response to the ten questions Jeremy attempts to unpack his male privelege, and (just as feminist mothers were in responding to the ten questions) he is unflinchingly honest about himself. From the impact of attachment parenting on a father’s relationship with his child (this one resonates strongly in our house), to a pro-feminist father’s true feelings about his son wearing dresses to birthday parties, to falling short of the equality you were aspiring to, Jeremy’s response starts rather than finishes the conversation on pro-feminist fatherhood.
Then I became a dad. And I was shocked by the degree to which my now-habitual commitment to feminist values was put to the test. In fact, habits went out the window; everything took conscious effort, as if I’d had an intellectual and emotional stroke and needed to learn how to walk and talk all over again.
Jeremy and I are inviting other fathers to respond to his adaptation of the 10 questions of feminist motherhood (see below). Please let me know if you do so I can link to you here, or you’re very welcome to email me your response and I can post it here as a guest post.
1. How would you describe your feminism in one sentence? When did you become profeminist? Was it before or after you became a father?
2. What has surprised you most about fatherhood?
3. How have your profeminist values changed over time? What is the impact of fatherhood on your profeminism?
4. What makes your fathering profeminist? How does your approach differ from an anti-feminist father’s? How does feminism impact upon your parenting?
5. When have you felt compromised as a profeminist father? Do you ever feel you’ve failed as a profeminist father?
6. When has identifying as a profeminist father been difficult? Why?
7. Parenthood involves sacrifice, and mothers must typically make more sacrifices than fathers. How do you reconcile that with being profeminist?
8. If you have a partner, how does your partner feel about your profeminist fatherhood? What is the impact of your commitment to feminism on your partner and your relationship?
9. If you and your partner practice attachment parenting–such as bed sharing or positive discipline–what challenges, if any, does this pose for your commitment to feminism, and how have you tried to resolve them?
10. Do you feel feminism has failed fathers and, if so, how? Personally, what do you think feminism has given fathers?
blue milk 
1. I see myself as a humanist first and feminist second. I have been a femininst all my life, I have never had a sense of accepting new values that made me a feminist, just realising that my values fitted that label. Feminism to me is the very deep sense that the world would be a much better place if our feminine side was dominant.
2. The new love, so different and magnetic from other forms of love.
3. While my values have not changed at all over time, their application and changes to unconscious behaviour traits is a constant process. Fatherhood has brought this process into a stronger focus.
4. While I accept the obvious disparities in parenting between mothers and fathers ( breastfeeding for example ) I look to take on as much responsibility and involvement as I can. To me, relationships work when both partners are putting in more than 50%.
5. I cannot remember feeling compromised and I am constantly failing, parenting is about where you are headed, not where you get to.
6. I cannot remember feeling any difficulty in being a profeminist father, the other option would be very difficult for me.
7.I support my partner with love and joy, I do my best to balance the sacrifices.
8. My partner appreciates my attitude and lets me know when l fail. My feminism is a central part of our life philosophy and therefore a big positive between us.
9. I have not noticed any challenges in this area that I would attribute to attachment parenting.
10. Feminism is a call to all fathers to find the feminine side of themselves, embrace it, and discover how much bigger they are for it.
Thank you for the pointer to these! A lot to think about and share in our household.
I am ever so glad to see Jeremy stepping up here and challenging others to follow. I’d look to him first on this conversation, that’s for sure. (I also can’t help but congratulate myself a bit, since I know we read one another, and I recently plugged your Feminist Motherhood series. Meaning, the day before he put up his post. Yahoo! Kind of like, Stanley, meet Livingstone. Or perhaps more accurately, Livingstone, look! Your old chum, Stanley: see, there in his satchel! Yes, that’s it!)
Feminist and pro-feminist fatherhoods couldn’t possibly be more critical to the whole project of completing the long-running transformation of parenthood for all of us, women and men and everyone in between. I’m going to be as interested in reading the responses to his adaptation of your questions as I’ve been in reading responses to yours.
[…] Adam Smith is a seriously wonderful writer, by the way. And not so long ago he tackled/adapted my ‘ten feminist motherhood questions’, oh and this is his group blog too. Pre-order a copy of his new book […]
[…] writer, Jeremy Adam Smith has adapted the piece he wrote in response to my 10 Questions About Your Feminist (Parent)Motherhood for the Good Men Project. His full response to my questions has been included in his new book, an […]