Reasons I am not blogging anything of weight at the moment :
- Emotionally preparing for my return to work next week after a year on maternity leave. (Am still yet to mentally prepare, and also still yet to physically prepare – like finding my work shoes and cleaning spiders out of my attaché case and locating my security pass. The emotional stage is really taking quite some time as it involves a break-down).
- Getting in place care arrangements for Lauca and Cormac, and most significantly getting Cormac used to his care arrangements. (I cannot understate my anxiety around this aspect). On another note, I will be introducing some bottle feeds during the day for Cormac when I start work and I have never used formula before, how do I pick a brand and type of formula? What should I consider?. That is not a rhetorical question.
- Conducting a fifth birthday celebration for Lauca. Last year’s go-all-out-big birthday party ended in her screaming as soon as we all started singing Happy Birthday to her and also her telling everyone she wanted them to go home NOW. A little mortifying for me. So this year we only invited four people – her beloved grandparents – and it ended in her screaming as soon as we started singing Happy Birthday to her and also her telling everyone she wanted them to go home NOW. A little mortifying for me. What next year? Given that she wants some kind of birthday celebration how much smaller can we reasonably go?
- Doing things I won’t get much time for soon – reading piles of books, having lunches with ladies (and babies and spilt drinks), baking cakes, staying up far too late, getting an hour-long massage (that makes it very difficult to feel sorry for me about any of my other woes doesn’t it), seeing The Pixies play.
- Writing pieces for money. And editors do love their deadlines.
- Under-performing in my role on the P&C Executive Committee. What was I thinking?
- Losing things; like mobile phones and keys and forgetting what I bought when I look at my credit card statement and reporting them as credit card fraud and then having to call the bank back and apologise when a parcel arrives in the mail and I see that I did indeed order this mysterious ‘health item’ because it is in fact my first ever menstrual cup. But really, ‘health item’? That sounds completely fraudulent, what is wrong with calling it what it is?
- Being sick. And tired. And tired of being sick. And tired of worrying about children getting sick. And especially unsympathetic about partner being sick again.
- Finding ourselves embroiled in a family feud of sorts; not my own immediate family so my level of give-a-shit is low on this one but it is still strangely time-consuming.
- Not cooking dinner again. Trying to pull something together for us to eat at the last minute with a crying baby on my hip and a crying pre-schooler by my side and a partner still an hour away from getting home from work to help out. (On a side note, last time I was on maternity leave I cooked one dinner the entire year. I am not exaggerating. Lauca was such a difficult baby and we were such novice parents that the first time around that one time was all I could manage all year. To be honest, that year I spent the early evening hours when most people are preparing dinner passed out with the baby instead and readying myself for the all-night scream-a-thon. My partner would tiptoe in the front door, late as usual because his work demands were ridiculous that year, and sigh with relief that both the baby and I were still alive and then he would get dinner started. I heard that sigh of relief once or twice in my exhausted dozey haze. It was during this year that cooking as a household duty shifted from a shared task to one pretty much covered entirely by my partner. That was until this year when in the second half of my year with a new baby I suddenly got my shit together and cooked us dinners. This meant we could all eat before 9pm each night. It was fantastic. I even cooked nice meals. I will miss living in such a well-managed house when I return to work. I am not sure what has gone wrong with my dinner-cooking in the last two weeks but things have definitely fallen apart there).
Wow, sounds hectic and stressful. I can relate to several of your points – going back to work, transition to daycare (ack!), cooking dinner and the dreaded happy birthday song.
We just managed to get through a 4th birthday party here, and I was quite worried about ‘the’ song because it has been pretty disastrous in the past. We planned ahead of time for him to be in my arms while everyone sang, and followed it up with all the kids picking all the chocolates off the cake before it was cut. He didn’t love it, but he said that it was ‘okay’.
Maybe next year you could just not include that part of the ritual. I considered this too. It is nothing short of revolutionary, but if it means that she might have some fun at her own party?
I can’t help much with the question about formula, but I know in Canada there were 2 different brands of organic formula.
Good luck with it all!
Oh my sympathies go out to you! What a full on time.
I’m afraid I know nothing about formula. Do they differ all that much?
Take care (ie get another one of those massages!)
As for the party: I’m only guessing, as Lily is such an extrovert, but would having something outdoors help? The physical space might make the people feel less overwhelming…
Seconding the ‘just don’t sing Happy Birthday’ suggestion.
The Child went the other way…. we spent 4 months singing happy birthday. I know hate that song with a passion.
First I just wanted to say good luck to you. Going back to work is such a transition. Regarding formula I think that legally they all have to have the same nutritional supplements, though babies do have their own taste. I went through three different formulas before I found one that by youngest son would accept.
Reading your post really makes me believe that mothers should be able to shift back into work. You know come in for two hours, four hours, six hours until they get their family set up to deal with the change. It also really makes me believe in job sharing. Honestly I think households work best when parents have more time with their kids though I am not advocating forced stay at home parenting.
Completely agree with you that a staggered start would make so much sense.
dia cups are terrific – no more menstral landfill, yay! hope this isn’t too much detail but i find sometimes if i haven’t placed it properly a black sock will catch the drips, DIY moonpad style.
The tip is great, will note it.
If your heaviest day is a work day, I would suggest using tampons because it’s a little tricky to wash and replace the cup in a work bathroom. All the other days I generally don’t need to empty it during the day.
my niece had a similar thing with birthday candles. shesit came on at her 2nd birthday party when she got overwhelmed with all the people and noise. for years after that, birthday cake candles would make her shriek.
if it was important to you, you could try getting her to learn more positive assosications to the song, like gently introducing it into happy, relaxed moments
Cooking dinner… when our eldest was tiny my partner persuaded me to try doing a weekly menu ahead of going to the supermarket. I grumbled, but we’ve been doing it ever since (11+ years now). It did make things a lot easier when we were both in full time paid employment, and even now, when I am working only part time in paid employment, it still helps make organising everything and everyone a lot less stressful.
I don’t always cook in accordance with the menu; things get shuffled around and reorganised, but it does mean that I always have the basic ingredients on hand, and I buy the fresh stuff as needed on the way home.
Embarrassingly I must admit that we do already menu-plan and shop accordingly for the week and STILL I have not been able to get dinners cooked these last couple of weeks.
Does Cormac need formula during the day or can he drink water and then have breastmilk at home? (Sorry I’m assuming you are still feeding him).
Forget the security pass, just go to security and look like you might cry if they don’t find you a house pass. Should be good for a week or two and give you some more time to settle in.
I recommend parties in a local park. Easy clean up, play equipment already there for you, and if Lauca wants to stay on the play equipment while everyone sings happy birthday she can.
I went back to work when my son was 7 months & pumped twice a day, then once a day, then not at all – I fed him morning & night and more on my days off. He had the pumped milk in a cup, on cereal, mixed with mashed potato…..but he never had formula or even EBM from a bottle. It can be done.
Yeah, I had thought about maybe just skipping the whole bottle thing but I just wanted to leave him with something to have before he goes off to sleep. And thought formula would be good for that role.
Going back to work is so hard – negotiating the work life balance once you get there, oh where do I begin?
We’re doing a party in the park this year, nothing fancy – kids around here get excited about some chips, watermelon and fairy bread. Why not skip the birthday song if that doesn’t work for Lauca?
Grace had formula from three months (as I was on medication, still feel strangely guilty ’bout that – hence the need to explain) until about ten/eleven months when she rejected it and started drinking cows milk and soy milk from a cup with no ill effects. I think we used karicare from the supermarket and it was fine – the bottle seemed to be more of an issue.
Good luck with it all.
The advice I got about formula when the kid was 8 months and I went back to work (so he had a lunchtime bottle and breastmilk the rest of the time) was to get whatever was cheapest because they’re all the same. Can you talk to a maternal & child health nurse about whether you really need formula or if water would get him through the day?
When my Mum went back to work my little sister was 9 months and refused to take milk of any kind in a bottle, so she had heavily diluted apple juice. Obviously that’s not recommended for teeth, but she was fine.
Deborah is totally right about the meal planning, and when I do it everything works much more smoothly. Still, despite the payoff, part of me really really hates menu planning. When the kid was little I didn’t cook any meals for ages, until one day he fell asleep during the day in his bed and I decided this was my one and only opportunity to cook something interesting and reasonably healthy for the day so I took it. I made enough for the Bloke to have some too when he got home several hours later.
OK, I am finally ready to let go of the Happy Birthday song, I think you’re all correct about that being entirely not worth the hassle.
I so remember that busy busy time and can only say hang in there, Bluemilk. You may remember from your first time back at work that there’s actually a little epiphany moment (at least for me, I realise this may not translate to eveyone’s experience) that the time spent not doing baby and child related things, and the ability to work in *relative* quiet with *relatively* adult interaction (you know, allowing for the fact that there’s One in Every Workplace) was a factor *subtracting* from the exhaustion factor. Of course, I don’t know your workplace, so this may be absolute shite.
And ditch the P&C Executive Committee for a couple of years.
I can totally relate as I’m going back to work in3 weeks after 9 months off. I’m freaking out a bit and somehow think it’s worse the second time because I know how physically and emotionally exhausted I’ll be the first few weeks/months. Thankfully my work is quite flexible and I have a very understanding (female/mother) boss.
I am planning (as I did with my first) to wean my little man off his lunch feed and only feed him morning and evening (& a night feed that is still persisting and I can’t bear to take that away since I’m already going to deprive him during the day). I couldn’t be bothered with formula so I just gave them water during the day until they were 12 months and then had cows milk.
I hope you cope well and find dome time for all those things you long for!
On meal planning: one word for you blue milk, one word: slowcooker. Oh, and freezer. Am totally hypocritical of course but manage to do this about two weeks a year and wonder why I don’t plan, cook and freeze more often. Apart from being haunted by feelings I am turning into my mother…
I reckon if formula helps Cormac transition to his care arrangements it sounds good – we bought an organic one from Mrs. Flan’s – but like many things that first year, didn’t suit child and was thrown out… (he wouldn’t take a bottle and couldn’t drink much from the sippy cup either. Though I reckon if I hadn’t been around things would have been different, was amazing how much cow’s milk he drank from a cup as soon as he weaned…).
And good luck. With Returning to Work.
[…] about it. But returning to work after our second baby I would be lying if I didn’t say a major part of this process has been negotiating with my partner about what needs doing and who needs to […]