It is all cunts, cocks and cries of censorship. Some of the comments I have moderated on this blog:
- cunt!
- Blue milk- This wont make the page, but i’m sure you will get to moderate it. you are a coward. that was a terrible response. You preach about rights, yet you seem only interested in taking rights from men and giving them to women. sounds like the same ‘patriarchal’ type of equality you are so against. terrible way to moderate discussion. as i said before, extremely feminist, extremely unintelligent.
- What you really need is a cock in your mouth to keep you from speaking.
- It’s a mans world!! Even the word that describes your gender is derived from man.
- Oops, sorry… How dare I (a man) comment here. You’ll have to forgive me, I often forget that ‘feminists’ are above reproach… Some day I’ll learn. Right?
- No shame in your game though, huh? Oh, the feminist movement. A bunch of women who think they’ve got a penis attached to them. Definitely made it where men have no respect for a real lady and wouldn’t know one if they ran into one. I guess it will only end when the Lord comes — So have at it!
- Let’s hear it for the freedom of speach in action!
blue milk 
I wish I could say I found this at all surprising. But I don’t, and that makes me even sadder.
We get to do what we want until the Lord comes? Excellent. I’m an atheist.
Rock on!
These sort of responses help you understand why feminism is needed and why pages like this are so valuable – I”ve found it really helpful in thinking through what it means to be a feminist mother. As a Christian I am not really sure quite how the comment about the Lord coming is relevant – except that I believe when this happens injustice will cease, and that includes injustice against women. Btw, my husband (an Anglican minister) likes your blog.
Thank you – this was a lovely comment to receive, and fascinating too, the bit about your husband liking the blog.
This is why I love my moderation and spamination filters.
For me, I always love it when they assume that all feminists are women.
You haven’t included it here, but the old standard of “men-hating feminists” now incurs my standard response. “Ever thought that it might be personal? Maybe it isn’t men we hate. Maybe it’s just you.”
As serious as it is, this type of attitude they express, I can’t help but laugh at them. “A cock in your mouth”? Wow, it must’ve hurt coming up with that all by yourself.
Mind you, I understand nervousness about being a man commenting on a feminist blog. I was too. Until I realised with the respect I give and awareness I have, I just need to be me. Any aspiring male commenters reading this – learn from it. It really is amazingly easy.
Yes, I think some of this stuff smacks of feeling intimidated by commenting on a feminist blog. And some of these comments I’ve included came after they fucked it up and then just seemed to decide to kick the door on the way out, too, just to show us that, you know, they so didn’t care anyway.
Oi. Thanks for being brave enough to tackle a wave of stupidity one comment at a time. For every non-thinking respondent, there are a lot more of us out here loving the wisdom, humour, and critical thinking that is so needed. Thank you.
Thank you – your comment meant a lot to me.
This is what happens when cousins marry.
Thank you for this comment, which helped dampen my rage to the point where I’ll actually be able to continue working this morning . . .
Would you say “This is what happens when women over 40 have children”?
Because the science shows that there’s as much risk of genetic defects in the children from married cousins as in the children of a 40-something year old woman.
It’s not funny, especially when you are a child of cousins (like me, a New Zealander who has to deal with this kind of bullshit regularly). Please think before making a ‘joke’ like that again without knowing the facts.
And, blue milk, you are much loved and read and you help some of us retain our sanity. (Plus you have gorgeous, intelligent kids, which is always nice to see).
Sorry soy milk. I married my cousin (reasonably common in my culture) and we’ve had to tell my children not to mention this to their friends or they could be objects of ridicule. It’s hard enough navigating as a brown skinned Muslim and now they’re figuring out there’s one more thing they could get teased about. Really sucks.
To blue milk – I’m a blurker from ages ago and also want to pipe in to say that for all those rotten nasty comments you get, there are so many of us who read, love and appreciate your writing even if we never comment and even if we marry cousins!
I apologise for my silly thoughtless comment, soy milk and T. I was directing nastiness toward the trolls quoted above and wasn’t using my cerebellum, much like them.
Hey, this is just one measure of success! It means you’re hitting a nerve. Good for you.
I have to admit to rarely feeling rattled by troll comments these days. When I first started blogging I was a little terrified of the prospect of trolls but now I’m all jaded and de-sensitized.
I am a big fan of swearing though, so I can develop a vague fondness for some of the more ridiculous of the sweary comments.
Troll swarming can feel pretty awful however, there is no doubt, and child-free troll swarms have been my worst experiences so far, but the rather desperately intimidated man repeatedly visiting my blog to type “cunt” at me, well it is hard not to find myself laughing at him.
I posted these to say ‘eat that’ to all the post-feminists out there in the world who think feminism somehow won already and it’s all so redundant now and also, to reassure anyone else getting started in feminist blogging that we all get these comments from time to time, and don’t take it personally – just moderate them and keep going.
I was a man, physiologically at least, for the first 30ish years of my life.
I cannot imagine ever having felt that way Nor could i picture anyone in my feminist, politically active family saying the shit that gets trimmed from here and other sites
Freedom of speech is a responsibility. It is not carte blanche to yell ‘Homo!’ at a rock throwing contest
I wish the moderate, sane voices of the world had a voice. But not, at this point in time, worldwide, if you are centrist, you are actually a radical lefty commie scum
We have so many people who believe that it is time for sanity.. But no way to get them into power, since the people who pay for our government would never allow it.
I weep for the world I am leaving my kids I don’t know how to fix it I hope they can do better. But I cry once a week that we, as a generation, have failed them so miserably
I think tonight is the night to do that. I’m going to bed, and crying, so tomorrow I can pretend that the worst problem in the world is that the Terraria server is wonky, and why someone as commenty as I am has no friends or companions on the social world like everyone else does.
No fat lesbian comments? That’s kind of surprising.
Also, I always wonder what they mean by “a real lady.” I suspect it’s something like a doormat or a plaint, childlike creature in a woman’s body.
*shudders* Ew! That image is horrible!
I hate that you’re probably right!
I always find men’s rage on feminist blogs quite frightening, as I am sure I am supposed to. It makes me despair sometimes, but not always, because they are vastly outnumbered by sane people, and the louder they scream the better the sane people are doing. It is also heartening that feminist bloggers keep going anyway 🙂
That’s one of the many reasons why I love being involved in discussions on feminist blogs. I think that often these people don’t expect that a man can actually be interested and care about these issues, and be passionate about fighting for them.
I dunno, maybe it might just plant a wee seed in their minds that things can change.
I’m glad you moderate because I love reading your blog and it so often makes me feel inspired or uplifted or more determined – and sometimes reading these kinds of comments would just make me feel sad.
Although kate’s counter-comment made me smile!
I confess I was shocked that there were comments like this on your blog, and then kicked myself. Of course there are. Of course. But I have to agree with Lydia – thank you for putting up with this stuff so that we don’t have to. I kind of feel guilty pushing it off on you, but this has always been a safe space for me to nod along.
As a person who read your blog as a burgeoning feminist and never stopped, thank you.
I should quickly reassure you all that I don’t get heaps of these kinds of comments here either. But they can take their toll on a bad day.
Yes, thanks for your tireless posting and moderating. I love the commenting community here too.
Annoying anecdote time…
Not the same thing – I am sure a feminist blog gets a lot more of this – but a considerable while back someone lifted some of my on-line artwork and it hit one of the more trolly areas of the web in a ‘punish the loser’ pile on. They printed my real name, made up descriptions of me, and details about my address and how I was supposedly cheating on my partner. Someone contacted my work and told them about my ‘adultery’ (I’m an Aussie, my work wouldn’t care even if it was real!). There was a surprising amount of effort made to track down enough details to make the VR harassment RL.
There were no photos of me on-line, and the trolls were from the US, so the only thing they could think of was to describe me as huge, fat and unattractive…but then they couldn’t logically join it up with describing me as a slut and had to make excuses as to how I was supposedly getting all this sex. There was a huge pile on in email and a DOS attack that took out my server.
My employers had no idea who they were talking about since the descriptions did not match me. My partner was merely angry with them. I was at first deeply outraged by the unfairness of being bullied, then confused. The biggest thing I took home from it was that to insult someone female, you have to apparently accuse them of wanting sex and being unattractive. Either is supposed to be morally wrong somehow. And the other point was that they seemed to have a fantasy about someone in their mind they could hate and enjoy hating. There seems to be a lot of trolls who really enjoy that concept – they wanted to revel in righteous anger and often describe what they are doing as ‘punishment’ for some social infraction. They feel they are right.
So I’m really not surprised by the level of vitriol you get – trolls are an odd mob who get massively bent out of shape when they’re not kowtowed to, even by utter strangers, and your very existence ends up becoming a form of insult. Especially if you’re a feminist.
(But man are they twits).
These smart. Even thought technically, they’re not directed at me, they’re directed at me, too. They’re directed at all of us – feminists or not. But especially feminists. These men hate women, and they use the anonymity of the internet to express their true feelings. It’s equal parts horrifying and terrifying and disheartening, and enough to make one want to give up entirely – but that’s what moderation queues were made for! 😀
Holy shit! That is horrific Steampunked.
Wow. It must be frustrating (and hard at times) to deal with comments like that. I really appreciate you taking the time to filter the comments out – so often the comments of insightful, beautifully written and interesting blogs like yours get overrun with commenters retaliating to what the troll has written. Then the comments turn from being interesting responses to being a massive hate fest.
I agree with the other posts, this blog and your writing is wonderful. I stumbled upon it as a sleep deprived new mama and it has been instrumental in helping me grapple with, and put words to, a lot of what was swimming through my head in those early days. Your post about Lauca and daycare really resonated with me and actually changed the way we did childcare drop offs! Am off topic a bit but just wanted to say that you rock!
What a grim job moderating must be – there are some real cretins out there.
So sorry you get comments like these. I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years now and I love it. I have a child around the same age as Cormac and this blog is a really refreshing breeze of sanity and humour. I’ve recommended it to all my friends in my Mums’ circle.
But for all those hundreds of days when I’ve found it really uplifting, educational or it’s made me smile, I’ve probably only commented a couple of times. So for all those times, thank you!
I daresay that’s the norm -there are many, many others of us out there who never or hardly ever comment, all really appreciating this blog. Compared to the handful of misogynistic trolls who presumably only feel good in themselves after writing a hateful response under the security of anonymity, we are the majority, not them, even if they sometimes use more decorative imagery that sticks in the mind.
Thanks again for the brilliant blogging! As Brooke above said, you do indeed rock – don’t let the trolls get you down!
I’m still trying to deal with the phrase “a group of women who think they have a penis attached to them.”
Where exactly is it attached, for its presence to be something you are not entirely certain of? Possibly there is a fringe of them, stitched neatly to the hem of your skirt. For Sunday best.
More seriously, I am so sorry that you have to plough through comments like that! I read every blog post you write (sometimes twice when they come up on my Hoyden feed too) and find so many of your posts deeply resonant with me and my life, or thought provoking in some way. Love your work!
Like soy milk above, could I also please gently ask that people avoid using “cretin” as a synonym for “mean bully”? Cretin is an almost-but-not-quite-outdated term for a person with cretinism – a person with intellectual disability as a result of congenital hypothyroidism. It’s really just like calling someone a “retard”.
I deeply apologise, lauredhel. I had absolutely no idea where the word came from at all and I just thought it meant synonymous with ‘nasty’.
I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to use offensive language. Thanks ever so much for explaining – I won’t use it again.
Crikey. What original trolls you have. I once got an email from someone (obviously male) that started with “listen sweetheart” and proceeded to tell me to stop playing around making websites and get back to my womanly duties. I also had a couple from a woman who objected to my anti-porn stance but got very personal about it. But nothing like what you’re getting here. I suppose the bigger you get, the more you unfortunately have to put up with. Thanks so much for moderating these comments and keeping this a safe space.
Thanks T for your comment. I’m sorry that your family has to experience another form of discrimination. We’re as white as they come and I find it hard enough to deal with comments like that. My fifth form science teacher, while explaining genetics, talked about the defects that could arise from intermarrying and that’s why marrying cousins is illegal. When I said “No, it’s not” and then had to explain that the reason I knew that was that my parents are cousins – well, imagine a class full of 15 year olds being handed that ammunition (I was a shy, nerdy, gawky easily-bullied kid anyway). The teacher still insisted that it was illegal and couldn’t explain how my parents managed to get married. So I was then known as defective and possibly of illegally-married parents.
So I’m a bit touchy about it, especially as it’s a common joke when people want to dismiss someone or a belief as being a bit hillbilly – “well, that’s what you get when cousins marry, hyuk, hyuk”.
thanks Anna 🙂
Oh gosh, this just brings home how relevant feminism is, and must be. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure such bile. Solidarity!
Hi, I am a feminist muslim from southamerica and also I have a blog about feminism. I’ve been since the beginning object of harrasing in twitter, facebook, email, insults, threathened, a groups of “decent muslims” tried to ban me from being part of activities in the community and even some cowards dared to say the will rape my daugther if I dont close my mouth. You are not alone, there are many women passing through the same bad situation, being victims of mind limited-dogmatic people- religious or not- but, because of that, because we are not alone we must to keep standing up, for our right to talk, to dream with a better world, to legitimate the woman sight in every centimeter of the creation, building sorority and makes things better for human kind. Is our right, also our goal. so go on and on and dont stop cause when someone attack us is because what we are doing is important. Warms regards from argentina
Fuente – thank you thank you thank you for the lovely comment of support. I would also add you to my blogroll but I notice your blog is closed down.. I hope it wasn’t all the harassment you received.
I changed the adress in spanish is http://vriveradelafuente.wordpress.com and in english: http://nasreenamina.blogspot.com see you there!
2 or 3 of the 6 comments you quote seem quite OK to me. the rest are rubbish. But there is no benefit is exaggerating problems.
Jason
Jason, this post wasn’t written specifically about misogynist abuse, it predates the #mencallmethings that undoubtedly brought you here.. the purpose of this post was to show readers that the safe space they find here for discussion has been deliberately created through moderation, so the comments include a range of examples like derailing, abuse, self-entitled and erroneous freedom of speech arguments, misogyny, and personal attack.
The post is about several things: 1) you are not alone if you are being targeted with hostile, abusive and ridiculously anti-feminist comments as a woman writer, 2) the pleasures of a safe space for readers come at a cost to the person writing/moderating it and, 3) this is why we still need feminism.
Try not to assume you know everything when you make a comment and I’ll try not to assume that you’re being an arsehole.
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