“More than in any other human relationship, overwhelmingly more, motherhood means being instantly interruptible, responsive, responsible.” – Tillie Olsen
What this means is that when you’re caring for an infant, you can get completely lost in caring for an infant, but you can’t get lost in any other type of work or leisure or relationship or anything else at all. You can try, but you’ll probably be interrupted 30 seconds, or a minute, or five minutes, or sweet glory! an hour! into it. This doesn’t sound so bad, I know, and for some people, it seems to be not that big a deal. But for others, artists and writers particularly I think, who need to disappear into a painting or a story or a what-have you, it’s a special kind of torment.
This is lovely writing from the House of Flurfel about all the stopping and starting of mothering and that longing to just complete one task.
So true. Hence those writer or artist couples where the woman kind of disappears while the man continues to produce his art… Must be utterly, despairingly galling for those women, even more than for the rest of us non-artist types.
For me it is the worst thing about motherhood. I cannot just get on with what I want to do. I find being almost continually interrupted murderously frustrating.
And it doesn’t even change as they get older. My thirteen year old still cannot help but interrupt me constantly, even when I specifically say I’m working to a deadline and need peace. He just says, “Sorry mum, I know I’m not supposed to be interrupting, but…” And then he interrupts me to tell me about something he’s seen on telly, or how he really likes a certain type of food. Sigh.
I can’t even go to the toilet in peace. I’ll be trying to have a poo and they’ll be shouting through the door, “Please will you get us a drink!”
My kids are completely guilty of this, although they’re still three and under so I suppose I ought to give them some leeway. It still seems as though they save their most urgent requests for when I’m in the loo, though.
Could be they really are making things up just because they hate not having access to you? My 3yr-old never *asks* me for anything when I’m on the loo – but then, she isn’t locked out, so she can (and frequently does) just walk in if she wants. (Believe me, I would love to have some privacy, but she was one of those babies who HAD to be with me, in my arms, AT ALL TIMES, so I got used to simply taking her. As she grows there have been times/phases when she’d happily let me go in peace, and times of insecurity, when she’d insist on being *carried* to the loo with me and sitting on my lap… I find if I don’t fight it, she’s quicker to get over these needy phases and get independent again.)
@woollythinker – Sorry for the indirect reply, but apparently the nested reply thing only goes so deep. Anyway, it’s entirely possible that they’re making things up – they’ve incredibly creative and imaginative kids, and from time to time the interruptions do fall along the lines of “LOOK OUT FOR THE HOT LAVA!” But we have an open-door policy in our home, so I doubt it’s a matter of prohibited access. Much as I may try to discourage them, sometimes they really do just want to come and sit on the stepstool near me. And other times they just so happen to remember that they need a thing (a drink, a pacifier, etc.) that is out of their reach and demand that I fetch it for them while I’m on the toilet. It’s those interruptions that bother me most, particularly because I take such care to ensure that they have everything they need before I disappear for three to five minutes!
My constant complaint is that it’s been 10 years since I got all the way to the end of a complex thought. It takes conscious effort to remember that this is because I have kids and not because I’m so much thicker than I used to be.
It is such a relief to read somebody talking about this. My biggest struggle as a mom has been trying to cram my own projects into the nooks and crannies of the daily grind, and sometimes the silence on the subject makes me feel like I must be some kind of selfish, spoiled whiner for having trouble rolling with it. There has to be some way to keep the dream alive, right???
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Wonderful post. I was experiencing this interruptability to the nth degree yesterday. What did I do when I finally got 2 hrs to myself? Spray weeds in our yard. But I got it done without interruption. :)
I love the article, for two reasons… firstly, it explains something really well that is hard to explain and difficult to see/understand/imagine if you don’t have kids or haven’t done a lot of caring for young children. Secondly, it manages to do all that without saying in that awful tone I’ve had so much, :if you don’t have kids, you couldn’t possibly understand this because you don’t have kids:.
(just replying because in all the changing my name every time I post a comment I keep forgetting to tick the box to notify me of new comments… oops)
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