My schedule meant leaving my wife and son, for half the week. I spent a lot of time in preparation, thinking about the soccer practices which I would miss. I thought about the parent days at school from which I would be AWOL. I thought about my manful (there is no better adjective) attempts at affecting some sort of equitable split in the chores. And I thought about the emotional absence. In other words, before I left for the semester I spent a great deal of time considering what my absence would mean to my family. But I spent almost no time considering what the absence of my family would mean to me.The error of my ways became apparent roughly a day after I left. It was really a kind of unexpected awful. I have long thought of fatherhood and partnership in terms of duties, in terms of what I owe other people. I spend a lot of time thinking about how to make good on that debt. What became apparent to me up top was how little consideration I’d given to what I got out of fatherhood and partnership.Perhaps this goes to my frustration with pathetic, self-pitying, self-loathing “Man Art.”Almost all of it is about what the world allegedly takes from you, and none of it is about what the world gives you back. I don’t want to speak for other dudes, but I think it’s important for me to say that I’ve gotten a lot.
Nice thoughts on being a father/partner
December 14, 2012 by blue milk
Ta-Nehisi Coates in The Atlantic.