December 1, 2013 by blue milk
If you wondered about whatever happened to that cute little baby called Storm who was being raised gender neutral there’s an update here. And Demeter Press, one of the best publishers for parenthood has a book being launched about gender fluid parenting practices which includes an essay by Storm’s mother. The book is available from here.
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blue milk 
Eep. Content note: the journalist at one point misgenders Storm’s eldest sibling.
I am amazed at their ability to remain consistently neutral about it – media or no media; there’s just not a whole lot of ways we have to talk about people that don’t somehow ascribe gender. (Even a neutral gender is a gender, so you can use the neutral pronouns and still be misgendering folks, which makes things messy and difficult.) We’re pretty gender-flexible ourselves but, especially with Libra in school, find it increasingly difficult to maintain gender-free talk – especially around other parents!!
Interesting. I still think there is an obligation on parents to prepare their children for the world they live in (or will come to live in) and, from the article at least, I wonder how much they are doing that (not on the gender stuff but more generally).
I don’t really understand why there would be a need to ‘hide’ the male/ female designation- isn’t the point that they’re trying to prove that regardless of your sex- you can ‘perform’ as either gender- as their oldest child is proving- he knew he had a penis all along- but was given the freedom to decide which gender he felt was more authentic- so it feels a little beside the point to hide the gender from everyone (at best- at worst it feels like a gimmick to get the story out there).Obviously- the child itself knows by know which parent it’s genetalia resemble- so it knows whether it’s a boy or girl.
I think the point was less about self-perception and more about avoiding other people imposing gender roles or stereotypes on the child based on the child’s sex.
Angela, given that the article clearly stated the oldest child’s preference for female pronouns, your consistent designation of her as a “he” is really not cool. She is a she. Please respect that.
Um, I dont know about you, but I certainly didn’t see my parents genitalia whe I was a child, so no, I dont think children generally identify their sex by comparing their junk to their parents.
Your commebt also assumes that all children have cisgender parents, which is also not the case. That is just not how this stuff works all the time. Please try to be sensitive to that.
I certainly didn’t mean to disrespect their oldest child- you were right to correct me.
however I wonder about your assumption that children don’t see their parent ‘private parts’- it’s incredibly difficult to hide that from your children- it would be an exception not a rule if you didn’t see your parents ‘junk’- I think most parents would agree that you generally pee in front of your kids until they are old enough to be left alone- about age 3-4, it’s also not uncommon for kids to bathe with their parents.
I am more worried(?) about the unschooling thing than the gender thing. But they aren’t my kids and who am I to say what is right or wrong for them. They have two parents who obviously love them dearly and that counts for a lot in my book. (again not that it is any of my business)
That was my concern also – the unschooling thing. As I said above, I think we need to prepare our kids for the world that live in (or will live in). Unschooling may leave them pretty vulnerable in future.
I disagree that how other people’s children are raised aren’t our business. Or that there are no clear categories of right or wrong. The government imposes obligations on parents to ensure suitable education for their children so that they have a skills to thrive in the world. In this instances I presume that this is being met but I was still unsettled.
I do wonder how left-leaning people would feel if this “unschooling” was happening by members of a religious group. There are plenty of examples of fundamentalist religious parents, who also love their children dearly, not putting their children in state education because of its perceived corrupting influence. And that is generally seen as a terrible thing by the secular left. I don’t really see much difference in this instance.
Gender thing is a non-issue for me. Unschooling always reminds me of the (single! Anecdote, so not data) person I knew who was an unschooled adult. He was an amazing person – identity-fluid, creative, passionate, and astonishing. Very compassionate.
He also said how incrediably long it took for him to adjust to a university life (he wanted to become a textile artist) and how that kept falling through because he didn’t have the mental toolset to do what he needed to – to toil at things he sucked at and didn’t like because they were necessary concepts to grasp for his chosen field.
In the end he gave up, but he mentioned that his siblings had similar issues, and that he was the only one who ended up successfully working – and even then he had a breakdown. He was mildly resentful of the unschooling, while still loving his parents a great deal, but was stuck being the ‘responsible’ one financially for everyone, eventually.
The comments on the unschooling aspects of this family’s life bother me. I’m not an unschooler but there are children and families for whom it can work well. It’s parent intensive and doesn’t equate to parental neglect. Unschoolers can and do attend university and go on to live lives as successful as their traditionally schooled peers. Stereotyping unschoolers – indeed any alternative schoolers – just isn’t cool.
I don’t see anyone stereotyping unschoolers.
‘ I am more worried about the unschooling thing ‘ Why ? What data supports such concern ? Perhaps this comment reflects a stereotypical (mis)understanding of unschooling as parental neglect of education.
Yes, I agree. There is a bit of unfounded negativity towards unschooling here. Would prefer we discussed the fascinating enterprise of gender fluid parenting than criticising unschoolers whom we know very little about.
I actually know quite a bit about unschooling as I do research in the area.
Yes it absolutely does reflect my lack of understanding of unschooling. That’s why I followed it with ‘who am I to say what is right or wrong for them’.
So would you prefer a complete deregulation of education? Because that is where your argument leads.