I tried to respond to a comment by Ariane (which I think was at least in part a reply to a comment from me) on this post at Hoyden About Town, but sadly I think I have been blocked there. So I hope it’s ok to post it here. I don’t suppose Ariane will see it after all this time, but worth a try I hope.
So Ariane said
So what is it that people need to change in the way they interact that makes something come across as a disagreement with what you’ve said, rather than as a judgement on you, do you think?
Obviously I’m asking this in a totally generic way, this thread is not about rehashing specific arguments, rather it’s about looking for patterns and approaches that allow useful conversation without resulting in people feeling attacked. Do some of the suggestions made here so far ring true to you, or do you feel there’s other ways to move forward?
And I replied something like (as my comment was deleted I can’t copy it):
The starting point is to distinguish between person and behaviour ( as I think was suggested in different ways further up the thread). So people can comment on the things you’ve said, even with strong emotion eg “I hate that thing you’ve said” or “that thing you’ve said is crap”, but they don’t need to say “I hate you” or “you’re crap” (let alone “I hate you and all my friends hate you too”). (I haven’t seen Mean Girls but I think I should watch it!)