My latest column for Fairfax newspapers is here:
Go ahead and brainwash your baby. There are few enough privileges as a parent, you might as well seize this one. If you want to change the world and make it a less sexist place then this little human sponge of yours is the best chance you’ve got. Because truth is, the world is going to try to brainwash your baby right back. I’m wary of anyone being too prescriptive about either parenting or feminism these days, I’ve made my share of compromises with both, and I’m not much interested in perfectionism. But in case you’re after a starting point with anti-sexist parenting then here’s three general tips from my own experience.
blue milk 
Great article, and great comments (the person who pointed out that masculinity needs fighting for too is doing a great job questioning society, which is so helpful for the positive-brainwashing parent).
Yesterday my daughter was playing with a set of blocks that can make a variety of castles, and comes with a prince and princess (identical in shape, but one is pink and blonde). My daughter was saying, “Two girls” and I realised that my own assumption was that there is always, always at least one boy in any play set. Huh.
Thank you to my daughter for shining a light back on my own assumptions.
Louise Curtis
” great comments (the person who pointed out that masculinity needs fighting for too is doing a great job questioning society. . .”
You mean the one asking, “If you’re going to question sexism, why only in the female direction?” They must have missed the bit about the tutus and nail polish.
And I sighed, heavily, at the bit about education, which is an anti-feminist trope (hello Christina Hoff Summers) based on the false premise that the “system” is “skewed” in favour of girls.
Yes, the “education is skewed in favour of girls” bit is stupid. But I think many women struggle to respect men – any men – and not absolutely all of it is the fault of men being the powerful (and usually ignorant as a result) segment of society. Respect and understanding need to flow both ways.
Louise Curtis (pregnant with a boy and questioning my attitudes as a result)
I’m afraid I don’t understand what you mean by women struggling to respect men. Is this in the context of education, or just generally? Perhaps if you gave an example of women not giving men their due respect?
Thanks for this Bluemilk. I started reading your blog about 2 1/2 years ago when my daughter was born. As you are a few years ahead of me in terms of parenting, your blog is a great foreshadower of issues to come! I thought I could file these sexism/gender/parenting posts away for ‘much later’ but of course my daughter recognised hetero-normative gender stereotypes (girl/boy, man/woman) at around 2 (I had no idea it kicked in that early). Early on she was willing to be guided by me to some extent – once we were looking through an Aldi catalogue featuring kids’ clothing and she was pointing to the kids saying “boy, girl”. I pointed to one and said “no that’s a boy” (although the child was a girl) just to see how she reacted, and she accepted that. But recently she saw a picture of a boy in a newspaper who was wearing a dress and long curly wig (it was an article about a summer camp for non-gender conforming boys) and she said “look at the girl”. I said “It’s a boy” and she wouldn’t accept this. I said something like “boys can wear dressess”, but it didn’t feel very adequate, nor did it convince her. So this is definitely something I need to think about more – and perhaps audit her books/tv too. Thanks, as ever, for the timely and thoughtful advice.
p.s. any recommendations for good little kids books where the characters don’t visually conform to gender stereotypes – pointedly or not?