My latest article is here:
So, when I found out about mothers’ groups I came to them with some desperation. There I discovered other women like me — sleep-deprived and confused by our new lives – we were as fragile as our babies. During such times in life you either make the best of friends or the most peculiar and transient of acquaintances. You are open and lost offering something between possibility and flight to those you encounter.
We had big new identities, these women and I, we were mothers now. But we didn’t yet inhabit those identities. We simply sloshed around in them like liquid insufficient to fill a bucket. Our lack of structure and integrity made us terribly vulnerable. If someone was blunt or even mildly critical about our parenting we were devastated. We were so recently arrived and incompetent that we became disorientated by anyone with a strong position or a new theory. It wasn’t just the blind leading the blind, it was the blind and opinionated leading the blind.
blue milk 
Great article, and so very true about the negative aspects of strong opinions when it comes to parenting. knowledge and opinions are great, but with something as emotional, and unpredictable as parenting moms/dads should maybe keep certain opinions to themselves.
I never had other mama friends when my babies were, well, babies, so this was fascinating to read. Even among my current parent friends our opinions can be quite volatile, though, so I imagine that this may have been for the best – because you’re right in how personally and hard different and even gently critical comments about parenting came down on me in those early days. (I still feel like crying every time some new Great Parenting Wisdom comes along that’s different from how I’m parenting, tbh.)
If it helps any, Libra is the same way about toys. Gemini is a little better about sharing but god help the child who so much as looks at something Libra has decided is his. I’ve just taken to telling friends that I’m raising a baby dragon in a human body which explains the hoarding, and the kids all nod and seem to think that makes perfect sense, and then when we’re at home we work on it.
Oh wow, Andie, I feel like I just took a trip back in time to when my first kid was a baby. Are you sure that wasn’t a DeLorean masquerading as an article?
Wonderfully observed and full of the truths of our lives. bravo! It was jarring to reach your last line and know there w3asn’t any more to read. Please turn this into your next book? Pretty please?
Wonderful writing, Andie. Beautifully observed, I recognise so much of what you describe.
I have a 3 month old baby and am doing the new mothers’ group thing right now. I have lucked into a really good group, but it’s all there. The tension between clinging to this lifeline (other mums! company! people who are around on weekday mornings and interested in talking about naps!) and feeling alienated by the insidious conventions and cliche that infiltrate everything connected to motherhood. The impossibility of not comparing – one minute I’m (internally) gloating about my bub’s sunny disposition, the next I’m suddenly wondering what in God’s name I’m doing wrong because every other baby seems to sleep so much better at night. Long conversations about solids, and teething, and oh God, the endless go-rounds about sleep, as if it could be solved by algebra. The ease of grumbling, and the difficulty of even alluding to the forces and feelings transfiguring our lives. I recognise it all.
I’m grateful to have the group though. Very grateful, in the end, just not to be alone.