Eminem’s anger with his mother has always been so incredibly public and so incredibly visceral. I always wondered how that fury towards women, including his ex-wife, would be resolved in him given he is primary carer for his daughter. Creating a woman while hating them would surely eventually be an unsustainable dissonance.
So I was fascinated to see that Eminem has just released a new track, Headlights with a video clip depicting an apology from him and an imagined reunion with his mother. The lyrics for this song are every bit as broken-hearted about mothering and trauma as the vengeful Cleanin’ Out My Closet was, but this time with the generous acceptance that comes from been-around-the-block parenting maturity.
You’re kicking me out? It’s 15 degrees and it’s Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)
Ma, let me grab my fucking coat, anything to have each other’s goats
Why we always at each other’s throats?
Especially when dad, he fucked us both
We’re in the same fucking boat, you’d think that it’d make us close (nope)
Further away it drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings
Still got a ways to go, back to grandma’s house it’s straight up the road
And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load
Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old,
And that’s when I realized you were sick and it wasn’t fixable or changeable
And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but‘Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
‘Cause you ain’t even get to witness your grand babies grow
But I’m sorry, Mama, for “Cleaning Out My Closet”, at the time I was angry
Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though,
’cause now I know it’s not your fault, and I’m not making jokes
That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it’s on the radio
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
And all the medicine you fed us
And how I just wanted you to taste your own,
But now the medications taken over
And your mental state’s deteriorating slow
And I’m way too old to cry, the shit is painful though
But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo
All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours
But I love you, Debbie Mathers, oh, what a tangled web we have,
blue milk 
I wonder what he says about his father…
nothing good, but nothing much, because they weren’t ever close. His dad abandoned them when he was really young. Eminem talks about being mad at him but it’s basically impersonal – when he was growing up (the story goes) he wrote letters to his dad and they all came back “return to sender”.
Eminem’s actually been really vocal about absent fathers for most of his career, and adopted his ex-wife’s child & niece and his own half brother, the brother who was removed from their mother’s home by child protective services.
The evils of absent fathers are one of the core themes of rap, really, it’s one of the few themes you get that’s shared over every subgenre, from indie to conscious to gangsta to pop. Everyone from Tupac to Jay Z to Atmosphere have lyrics about how bad it is for men to abandon their kids. It’s just usually overshadowed by praising or attacking the mom who was actually there because there’s not to much to say about a dude you never knew.
Heard this song on the radio with my son in the car beside me shortly after learning that my ex had filed for sole custody of my kids. My son was excited to hear the new eminem song, so we listened. Was a special kind of torture to hear under those circumstances, but neither of us could make out all the words. It is painful and moving to read.
OK, I don’t know much about Eminem. I knew of his anger towards his mother, nothing about his ex-wife. But even if he’s angry at these two women, we should be careful to not equate that with anger at women in general, no? I mean, maybe he is one of those MRA types raging about women, I don’t know. But maybe he sees his mother as *a* woman, and not representative of *all* women? In which case, there’d be no cognitive dissonance in lovingly raising a daughter (or at least no more than we’d see in your average guy).
fork, I take it you’ve never listened to any Eminem songs then? The misogyny is eyeball-searing. Maybe google some of his lyrics before assuming bluemilk is drawing a long bow.
http://www.policymic.com/articles/73047/5-reasons-why-eminem-will-never-be-my-icon
Thank you.
Well, yeah, actually I have (not intentionally), but I admit, I generally don’t pay much attention to lyrics. Thanks for the link though – it makes it pretty clear.
I assumed no such thing.
I apologize for my previous comments. Sometimes I lack awareness on how my comments come across. But waiting and rereading with fresh eyes . . .
When I read that first paragraph, I was thinking of this guy I worked with when I was in high school. One day while we were working side by side and chatting, he casually mentioned his mother had just died and how glad he was. He’d talked a bit about her before, how she was an alcoholic, and he and his two sisters were left to fend for themselves, and how toxic family life was. But the siblings were very close to each other and took care of each other. Even though he and his older sister no longer lived at home (he was 15/16 and rented a room in a men’s rooming house, his older sister 16/17), they both worked to provide for themselves and each other, and looked out for the youngest.
Not an excuse, just an explanation of where my head was at.
Thanks for the explanation, fork. No harm done.