Recently I gave a presentation to this motherhood conference on the responses generated by my 10 questions about your feminist motherhood.The presentation was hugely successful (thank fucking gawd because I was a little bit nervous about this one) and there is interest in it being published in a book or journal paper sometime (yay!). I have to say, when I read through all your responses (over and over again, as I did), in the process of putting my presentation together that I couldn’t believe how wonderful all your observations were – I had brilliant material to work with. Thank you. I never intended to publish anything on the responses but as the material has got richer and richer I now think that your words, experiences and insights deserve a wider audience.
I haven’t written it all into a paper, yet, but fear not, when I do I will make sure that it is published somewhere in order for it to be a bit more accessible than, hey, it is all in my head. Over the next week or so I will post the points I spoke to in my conference presentation on blue milk and we can have a bit of a discussion here on what I’m seeing in all your responses and what you’re thinking about that.
So, the contents of my presentation were:
- The questionnaire
- The demographics of respondents
- Some key themes
- Becoming feminists
- The impact of motherhood on their feminism
- Being surprised by motherhood
- Defining their motherhood
- The difficulties with being a feminist parent
- Concluding remarks
Now for the points I spoke to….
About the questionnaire:
- The focus of the questions – exploration of whether their motherhood influenced their feminism and/or their feminism influenced their motherhood; the degree to which feminism has made them an outsider; partner support or opposition to feminism; intersection of attachment parenting and feminism.
- Limitations – non-academic; non-random sampling; over-representation of new mothers/mothers with young children; absence of specific demographic questions; over-reliance on the sole male respondent; insufficient examination of partner negotiations in the division of labour/roles; potential for more exploration of ‘maternal desire’.
Demographics of respondents:
- Gender (all female except for one response).
- Sexuality (mostly straight but some queer female respondents).
- Education level (mostly university level and probably middle-class, although several respondents identified as ‘working-class’).
- Age of respondents (mostly in their thirties, but ages ranging from early twenties through to late middle-age).
- Ages of children (mostly young children and babies, but some with older children including adult children).
- Relationship status (mostly partnered, some single parents, and one identified as a single parent by choice).
- Types of parenting relationships (included step-parents, adoptive parents, grandparents, co-parents and one set of expectant parents).
- Nationality/country of residence (Australia, USA, Italy, UK, Canada, NZ, France, Germany, Singapore, South America – and several respondents stated that they were not writing their response in their first language).
- Employment status (SAHM, student, working outside the home, working inside the home, frequently swapping between several).
Some key themes:
- Feminist motherhood as a practice in actively questioning the gender binary and sexism in children’s toys/clothes/games.
- For example: “The other day, I caught myself wondering whether the lad’s play interests reflected some failure in my feminist parenting: he is fascinated by dinosaurs, space, pirates, sea creatures (especially dangerous ones and the deepest depths), and so on. But then I realised these were the things I was fascinated by as a child, so there are really no surprises there!”.
- Heavy representation of attachment parents – because of the tribalism of modern parenting (and this blog being an attachment parenting-leaning blog) or is it somehow associated with being feminist?
- Strong reaction to notions of sacrifice as conflicting with feminism – either seen as ‘second wave’ or by SAHMs as something they were seriously struggling with.
- Much discussion of ‘maternal desire’.
- A significant shift in the way they see themselves, other women, motherhood and feminism coming about after parenthood.
- Generally saw feminism as helpful rather than problematic, but a deep recognition of the fundamental split in feminism and the ways in which the movement has viewed and responded to mothers.
- A profound change in their feelings towards and beliefs about men after becoming the mothers of sons.
Now for part 1 of some of the major themes I discussed in the presentation (with more to follow in future posts)…
Becoming feminists:
- Some were raised by feminist parents, but these were in the minority.
- Most developed their feminism during their university days.
- Some had never known a time when they weren’t feminists.
- Very seldom was motherhood their path into feminism – “whilst I have always been a feminist (even one in denial) it was definitely after having children that was the main catalyst for me”.
- “In the beginning, I didn’t feel like I could call myself a feminist. I thought being a feminist meant competing with men. I thought it meant negating all that is ‘girly’. Now I feel more like it’s about mutual respect. Women just want respect. We want our rights honoured. I’m all about that! Since the birth of my daughter I’m more sensitive to women’s issues and public portrayals of women. I wish I could offer my daughter a better world.”
- Motherhood broke the spell of equality – “I drank with the boys, talked music with the boys, studied with the boys, worked with the boys, and hated every girl I saw. So, being female didn’t play a role in how I lived (except I got to sleep with some of my best friends). I first called myself a feminist after giving birth to a girl who I couldn’t help but like. It forced me to realise that I am female. When the party’s over and I can’t live like a bachelor anymore. It has forced me to identify with my sex”.
- Many respondents talked about their feminism evolving through motherhood, and their feminism being sharpened by motherhood – “motherhood has changed my feminism. Completely. Utterly.”
- New understanding of intersections came about through motherhood – “My initial reaction to this is to think that my feminism hasn’t changed, that it’s just an immutable part of my personality, bur this isn’t true. Working as a midwife has exposed me to just a selection of the myriad ways that women are abused, even educated, privileged, middle-class white women. And every day I think that if they are subject to abuse because they are women, what the hell must it be like for the non-English speaking, the homeless, the illiterate, the substance-addicted and the young women that also walk through our doors to have their babies?”
Excellent! I am looking forward to the follow up posts! Thanks for sharing it here & I look forward to seeing your article in print! Congratulations on the positive reception at the conference. Wish I could have been there!!
It’s wonderful to see you doing something with this big body of information and voices. I look forward to hearing more!
I can verify that it was an awesome presentation! I just wish they had made you a plenary or whatever so you got more time 🙂
I do agree with the person in the presentation that you should re-consider your use of the word “non-academic” – while your research certainly isn’t qualitative or positivist or however you want to describe other research it would definitely get you a degree in the sociology department 🙂
Aww thanks Kat. Lovely to meet you, too.
So cool! Can’t wait to hear more.
that is REALLY interesting…
i’m new to your blog so haven’t been part of the conversation that led up to your results.
I am particularly intrigued by the comment that women’s relationship with men was changed by motherhood. certainly rings true for me.
I look foward to reading regularly!
chelle
Well done, Blue Milk. I wish I could have been there.
Did you get the CD??
Not yet Catherine, but I believe the conference organisers have something in the mail for me.
Really looking forward to hearing more or reading your paper and/or book. One of the things I like about participating in online life is being able to hear about the lives of other people who make very different choices and have very different experiences to me. So many different ways of being a feminist parent.
Awesome, I’ve been waiting for this post, and you did not disappoint.
I love the “Motherhood broke the spell of equality” one. I don’t know what did it for me, but I’m inspired to spend some time thinking about it.
I’ve been quietly reading along here for several weeks now, and I feel as though I could have written this one myself: “In the beginning, I didn’t feel like I could call myself a feminist. I thought being a feminist meant competing with men. I thought it meant negating all that is ‘girly’. Now I feel more like it’s about mutual respect. Women just want respect. We want our rights honoured. I’m all about that! Since the birth of my daughter I’m more sensitive to women’s issues and public portrayals of women. I wish I could offer my daughter a better world.”
I did not care about feminism, and I didn’t think it had anything to do with me. As I have come to understand that it’s not about hating or harming men, and as I have realized the tremendous responsibility that comes with raising a daughter in this culture, I have really come around. I don’t know that I need to attach any more ists or isms to myself, but I can definitely say that I now care a great deal about feminism.
All that rambling to say: I appreciate your thoughts here – they make a difference. Congratulations on what sounds like a very successful presentation.
I have always thought motherhood could be a really lightning bolt moment for women and feminism and I was a little surprised when I saw the responses to my 10 questions to see that motherhood wasn’t the path to as many women’s feminism as I had imagined it would be among readers.. so I find it wonderfully interesting to hear the thoughts of those where it has been the path to feminism.
I hope you write about your path to feminism on your blog sometime, would love to read it.
[…] geführt oder ihre feministische Haltung radikalisiert. Mittlerweile hat Bluemilk einige Ergebnisse zusammengefasst und mit demografischen Erhebungen verbunden. Sie wurden auf einer Konferenz vorgestellt und […]
Great work! I’m looking forward to the future posts.
[…] Comments « This is what I said a feminist mother looks like: the questionnaire, demographics, key themes and be… […]
[…] Part 1 and Part 2 here. This is more of the presentation I gave at this motherhood conference. My presentation looked at some of the big themes I see coming out of all the responses I’ve received to my 10 questions about your feminist motherhood. […]
[…] Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 are here. This is more of the presentation I gave at this motherhood conference. My presentation looked at some of the big themes I see coming out of all the responses I’ve received to my 10 questions about your feminist motherhood. This particular section of the presentation was really interesting.. exactly what is ‘feminist parenting’? What does it look like? How do you know you’re doing feminist parenting? […]
[…] Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4 are here. This is more of the presentation I gave at this motherhood conference. My presentation at that conference looked at some of the big themes I see coming out of all the responses I’ve received to my 10 questions about your feminist motherhood. […]
[…] Part One: the questionnaire, demographics, key themes and becoming feminists […]
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