Remember how I said I’d failed spectacularly in keeping toy guns out of our house? I wrote an article about that and how I have made a sort of weary peace with it and my feminist parenting and it is published over at Essential Kid.
When my three-year-old son discovered toy guns this year he felt the way some people feel when they discover sex or drugs. It became a single-minded passion. He turned his back on dolls and Lego and the other creative games we provided, and I watched with growing apprehension at his interest in weapons. Was he embracing guns like some missing puzzle piece from his life? If so, what was missing exactly? Or was he simply embracing male friendship, and enjoying sharing in the interests of other little boys?
I really like this. Maybe because you have ended up in the same place as me but with much more thinking behind it. The point I like best is your point about parenting in the real world; sometimes it is better to talk about what we don’t like about the world to help them think about it, rather than ban it entirely.
Thanks Jennifer. I really liked your comment.
Love the insight, Bluemilk. My son is 5 and a half, and had done all of that stuff too, despite my stern ‘talks’ about how guns hurt people and killing is wrong. But I slowly stated to realise that I was fighting a losing battle – as you said, kids’ imaginations are limitless and I found myself surrounded by toast, Lego and stick guns wherever I turned. It has taken about two years for me to come to a similar conclusion to you, let the fantasy reign for now and trust that, when he is old enough, he will understand what I mean about the real world stuff when he is old enough.
I especially love what you said about pirate swords and muskets: guess who bought him one if each to go with his costume when he had a Pirate party for his 5th Birthday?? Me. Oops. It seems that when I’m done fighting against something inevitable, I gladly jump right on board!
Ugh. Just re-read my comment and spotted all my mistakes. Sorry. I blame my phone.
Yes to ‘I want to parent in the world I live in more than I want to shield him from that world’.
This is how I feel about teenagers and sex education. Better to accept that some teenagers will have sex, prepare them for the possibility and say ‘by the way, my personal opinion is blah blah and no judging’.
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I was never going to let my child play with guns and actually gave away a toy gun that someone gave him when he was about 3ish. But then his Dad got back into sporting shooting and it seemed a bit strange to tell my son that he couldn’t play with guns when his Dad was shooting clay targets on the weekend and he was fascinated by death and dying and all that stuff anyway. So now we have wooden swords made by his Dad which he and his little sister play fight with, and nerf guns which get them chasing each other and their Dad around the house to howls of laughter. The guns are just another toy now.
Love this! My little brother had exactly the same reaction when he pulled a toy gun out of a lucky dip at age 5. Mum had never let him have them before.
Somewhat nerdily, I felt the same way when I discovered the school library had Babysitters’ Club books – Mum said they were trash and wouldn’t buy them for me!
OH MY GOD BLUEMILK YOUR ARTICLE HAS BEEN LINKED ON THE HAIRPIN!
Ooh thank you for letting me know!
You’re very wise.
Our kindy has a rule that they can only play with guns they’ve made themselves. Another rule is not to point them at someone who isn’t in the game. It seems to work pretty well. My child makes guns that shoot lollies anyway.
I’m pretty relaxed about weapon toys, although I don’t have a boy, which helps I suppose. I’m much less relaxed about princess crap! I do find it quite funny that swords etc don’t appear as threatening as guns. I played with swords as a kid and have still grown up to be anti-violence so in the context of a healthy childhood I think it’s okay.
My father died this year and my 3 year old is fascinated by the topic. Interestingly, she speaks about it most with her paternal grandmother. Stuff like: “grandad can’t come to christmas this year because he’s dead” delivered in a thoughtful logical manner.
One last thought re Cormac’s fear of animals: a recent study in NZ found that children here are most afraid of dangerous animals. This is NZ, we have no dangerous animals in the wild!!!
That is one of the favourite bits for our kids when visiting the NZ connection. I think we have finally convinced them that NZ doesn’t have any poisonous spiders or snakes. Sounds quite attractive really.
My son (4.5) wears a skirt almost every day, but it is technically part of fighting play (kind of a long story). He’s not into guns (and the one time he did have a toy gun, my one rule was that it was not allowed to be pointed at real people – pretend, ok).
This and your “Dessert as Metaphor” reminded me of this post I wrote not too long ago, which explains how the skirt is armor: http://contentedlycrunchy.blogspot.com/2012/11/i-gotta-askwhats-with-skirt.html
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