The first Parents & Citizens meeting I attended at my daughter’s school I was like I will be quiet and fly under the radar and not volunteer for anything and not say anything controversial because I am just getting to know everyone here. And then I tuned in to hear this item on the agenda come up about what a great idea it would be to get the whole school to fundraise for a local church and their charity in a “third world country” and how we could incorporate all this learning into the kids’ classrooms.
I tried so hard but I couldn’t control myself and I burst out with this explosion of how I was not ok with this, not at all, and the parents and teachers in the room looked at me, stunned. Because who is against charity? What kind of horrible parent shows up for the first time at a P&C meeting and then decides to speak against a cheerful item like that on the agenda?
But once I calmed down my questions were this – How does this church charity spend its money in the recipient community? Do they show respect for the traditional religions and beliefs of that community? Is the money used for converting people to the church? Are they working in co-operation with the existing community groups there? Do they ensure that local women’s voices are getting a say in how the money is spent? Is any part of the arrangement with the recipient community about blocking access to abortion or contraception? What percentage of the money we raise will go directly to the community? What are their employment practices like for their own charity staff? And what are we trying to teach our children about this experience?
Because as an economist, and as someone who spent some years of her childhood growing up in Iraq and Indonesia I have some serious concerns about colonialism. It’s all summed up very sharply in this excellent piece that is kicking around on Tumblr at the moment, which was written in response to this piece for teachers – “I Didn’t Know There Were Cities in Africa” from Teaching Tolerance.
Anyway, let me say one thing about the time I broke the P&C meeting: everybody sure knew who I was after that. Introductions done.
this is awesome!
This is perfect. My oldest child is starting school this fall and I hope I can speak up about this sort of thing too!
Moar details please! What was the response? What were the results? Enquiring minds need to know!
Brava. Your daughter is lucky to have such a wise mother. Good for you for standing up for those children far, far away.
You rock.
I hope you used the word colonialism.
Just starting with “get the whole school to fundraise for a local church …” is a serious, serious problem. Unless, perhaps, said church is running the school. And it’s a private school.
And do not get me started about the denomination-affiliated “public” schools in Ontario. Just one denomination, of course. I might burst into flames.
Inspiring! My kids are only one, and I’m already afraid of getting into it with school officials and other parents. Thanks for being a role model 🙂
Kudos for speaking up and out! Half (or maybe all) of our problems come from people being too afraid to be different, ruffle some feathers, or look deeper into the truth of the issue.
You are just full of awesome.
Outing myself as having worked in international development here… all the questions you asked were just right and I would have wanted to know the same.
I read the articles and while the ranting one has many good points, there are some things that I disagreed with. it’s important for people to have accurate perceptions of different countries on the African continent and that was all great. however I always look for the solutions in those articles and the rant … had none. if colonialism helped create the mess, shouldn’t we try (in a non-colonial way as possible – very difficult I concede) to help address some of these issues? I mean that seemed to be what you were saying – ok let’s see if we can address these questions, and then go ahead if we can find an organisation that fits this?
the danger is that it allows us as descendants or perpetrators of colonialism to wash our hands and say ‘well it’s colonialist to try to do anything – we should let these countries just sort it out themselves’. that isn’t the right attitude to working on issues of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in Australia, some of whom have some pretty intractable issues caused by white people. that doesn’t allow us to wash our hands and say oh well guys, hop to it!
also relevant… after the experience I got working in that industry (it is an industry) one of the reasons I moved back to where I grew up was that I realised it suffered a lot of the same issues I was trying to alleviate in other countries (certainly not to the same level, but then we have our own / other issues here). I figured I could do just as good work in the community that I grew up in as elsewhere.
on a lighter note… Everyone might also enjoy this tumblr: http://gurlgoestoafrica.tumblr.com/ scroll back through the entries, it’s worth it!
just took 5 minutes to work out how to comment under the username I want… I hate you wordpress!
The shopping centre near me regularly has people collecting for charities. I usually ask them similar questions, as well as ‘what is your organisation doing about local issues’. I am not donating money to go to Africa or similar, where I don’t know anything about the culture, before I am donating money and getting involved with local issues. Not to say that Africa isn’t a worthy cause, whatever that means, but the answers to those questions are harder to track, and I personally am more likely to be able to be wisely and usefully engaged with helping local homeless people or indigenous communities. And it’s harder to romanticise and exoticise that, which is a good things, I think.
My parents used to work for CAA before it was Oxfam Australia, and a bit after the transition. There were problems with the organisation before, there always are, but as it got shinier and more poverty-porny, it got worse. I don’t know how it is now, I’d still rather support an organisation that gives microloans and provides markets for products than sponsor a child so they can be ostracised by their community. (Money is never the answer, it’s just a new problem)
I did once upset a very nice boy who was door-to-door collecting for them by going on a huge rant like this, since I happened to know that if you donate directly, 99% of it goes straight to the source and the 1% is admin, but if you donate to a door knocker or someone at a booth in town, they are paid by commision. Poor lad probably thought he was on the side of the angels, working for a charity.
I guess I don’t believe in angels. I believe more in doing the least harm.
That is awesome. And I sympathise with the irresistible pressure to stick your head up and ask difficult questions. Because, you know, you can never just say “I’m not comfortable with this”, you always have to explain why. And that leads to “problems”.
“Hooray” for the times in parenting when you’re trying to slide by as a “normal” parent and get outed as the “crazy radical” in the room/on the playground…sigh… Good job! (-:
This is really inspiring, I just hope when/if I’m in a similar situation I’ll be able to do what you did. I so much prefer to just keep a low profile.
Someone’s already said it … but you rock! I’ve had similar conversation with fellow parents at the primary school but I never broke a P&C meeting with one … fantastic! Introductions done indeed!
Good for you!
Mind if I save this post as a template for a few years down the road?
[…] Milk has a great post about the time she broke the P&C (equivalent to PTA in NZ) meeting. And she has a brilliant post on attachment parenting and […]
Well done!
Unfortunately most white middle class people end up doing more harm than good when they get involved in charity.
I read “The Ukimwi Road” by an Irishwoman, Dervla Murphy, who did a bicycle trip from Kenya to Zimbabwe. Along the way she came across a charity which had built a school to educate orphans. Most white middle class people in the western world would consider this a really good idea.
Not.
Because the orphans now had access to regular schooling some families surrounding the new school abandoned their children to make them orphans so they could go to the school.
It broke up families and probably caused heartbreak for many kids.
The lesson I learned from her vivid descriptions was that even if it sounds like the best idea ever, it’s probably not.
You never see these charities looking at the macro economic and structural reasons for poverty in Africa, nor advocating for change there. Oh no, because that would mean our institutions, structures and corporations would have to give up power.
[…] There’s still some caution between various groups of parents towards one another but overall it’s very cohesive. I think the secret to its cohesion is not so much its warm school spirit, though there is some of that, but more that everyone is forced to tolerate one another because no one particular group of parents is big enough to dominate the school culture. Long may that balance be held. (And it may be difficult to do that because the Montessori stream has been very successful in attracting students). But we’re also all sharing space and having repeat interactions with one another so we have to get on with tolerating one another. And we’re all doing something annoying to someone in that school population. […]